Making Sure of Vengeance
by JessC27
Summary: 1898: A vampire kills the beloved member of a gypsy clan. After cursing the vampire with a soul, they send the dead gypsy's sister after him to watch him. Her name: Buffy. The vampire's name: Angel.
1. The Assignment

**Note:**

I love the idea of the vengeance-obsessed gypsies, who would stop at absolutely nothing to get what they want – namely vengeance – no matter what the consequences might be or who has to pay.

This is my first kind-of-AU story. It's based on what is laid down in the series, but not identical. There are differences. Let me know what you think of it.

Also, this one will probably be more mature than my previous stories. So you have been warned. But I will also put a warning at the beginning of the according chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 1 – The Assignment**

Romania, 1898

A vampire ran through the darkness as if for once he was not the hunter but the hunted. But he couldn't run away from what was trying to get him. It was simply useless. He didn't even know what exactly he was running from. He only knew that he had just killed a young gypsy girl and her clan had not taken it too well. They were out to get him and make him pay, that much he knew.

* * *

An old woman recited an even older spell, so old in fact that even the gypsies could not remember where it had come from. But they had given the spell a new twist, had added a little something new of their own. After all, vengeance was something very personal for them.

* * *

The vampire felt something go through him and fell to the ground. When he looked up, a man was looking down at him. The man wasn't frightened of the vampire. He had no reason to be frightened since the vampire had a soul now. Knowing that, the man would be able to sleep much better at night from now on. The vampire on the other hand would not be sleeping well from now on. That thought gave the man even more satisfaction.

When the man was done gloating, he simply left the vampire lying where he was, convinced that he wasn't a threat anymore. And there was a lot to do. He turned to two young men who had been standing close by. "You know what to do."

"Yes." They grabbed their bags, which had been lying on the ground, and swung them over their shoulders.

The man then made his way back to the main part of the camp. When he came across a couple of young children playing in front of a wagon, he said, "Find me Buffy and tell her I want to see her."

* * *

"You wanted to see me, Constantin."

"Buffy, please, come in. Let me say again, in the name of the elders and the whole clan, how sorry we all are about the death of your sister. Dawn was such a promising and delightful young woman. She was taken from us much too early."

"Thank you. But that is not why you had me called here, is it?" Buffy asked guardedly.

"No, it is not. You know what is expected of you?"

"Expected of me?" Buffy especially stressed the first word.

"Your duties," Constantin clarified.

"I know what you think my duties are, but I don't agree. I think they are a bunch of goat shit."

"How dare you speak like this?" he asked outraged.

Buffy just rolled her eyes.

"You have a duty to your clan, to your family and to your dead sister."

"I loved my sister very much. But she is dead. I can't make her alive again by doing this. Nothing will ever bring her back."

"But the beast still runs free. He has to be watched."

"Because _you_ let him. And then you put this stupid curse on him that makes absolutely no sense."

"Oh, it will make sense in time."

"Please, enlighten me," Buffy mocked.

"He will suffer, when the time comes. Our vengeance will be sublime."

"He is already suffering, is he not? You gave him a soul. What more do you want? Besides, shouldn't we be punishing the demon that killed my sister and not this souled version?"

"The creature in him would not have cared, but the soul can be punished. Only the soul can feel remorse and guilt for what he did. And maybe then even the creature will suffer. And even if the demon won't be touched, it doesn't matter. Eventually, the soul will be made to suffer even more."

"You don't make much sense, do you know that?" Buffy asked irritated.

"One day he will hold somebody dear again. One day he will do something that will make him loose his soul again. And then the curse will strike. And then we will strike again," he said maliciously. "We just have to wait and be patient."

"Why would you want him to loose his soul again?" Buffy asked aghast. "He will only kill more people. Innocent people!"

"He will kill the person who is able to give him happiness. And then we curse him again, this time forever. That way he will feel the pain we are feeling right now, but he will feel it for eternity. And until that day comes, you will follow him and watch him."

"Why me? You want vengeance, you go stalk him."

"You are the only one left of your family now, it is your duty." Constantin was starting to loose his patience with her.

"My duty? My duty? My sister is dead!" Buffy yelled. "Nothing I could do will get her back!"

"She was killed by that monster. She was a promising young woman. She was beautiful and gentle and she was taken from us in the cruelest way."

"She wasn't the cleverest either. Maybe if she hadn't strayed too far from the settlement after dark, she wouldn't be dead now." Buffy had told her sister so often to be more careful. But Dawn simply wouldn't listen.

"How dare you speak of her like that? You are disrespectful. I guess we allowed you two too much freedom after the death of your parents, thinking you had it hard enough. But this is outrageous."

"I loved my sister!" Buffy protested vehemently. "You say she was the most precious of the clan but she is only so precious to you now because she is dead and you can strengthen your power by pretending that you actually cared about her as a person. You are using my dead sister to strengthen your hold on the clan and keep them submissive to your whims."

"I will forgive you your words because you are grieving for your only sister and the last family you had. You are young and naïve. You know nothing of what it means to keep our clan together, to keep our values alive and lead a strong and unified community. You don't see the whole picture. Maybe watching the vampire will teach you something about family and our values. You will see how difficult it is to survive out there without the warmth of the clan, without the stronghold the community has given you all your life. We won't leave you completely without guidance and support. But you will learn to miss what you can't value today."

Buffy snorted defiantly.

"You are nothing without the clan." He made it sound like a threat.

Buffy didn't agree. Without the clan, she would be free, free of all the restrictions, of all the rules and obligations the clan demanded of its members. Maybe this was her chance to get away, to see the world. Before, she had been responsible for her sister. And Dawn would never have wanted to leave the clan and her friends. Besides, Buffy would have had a hard time supporting them both on her own. While being responsible for Dawn she wouldn't have risked such an uncertain future. But now she only had herself to think of.

"One other person will accompany you. Riley already volunteered. But you may choose somebody else. If that person agrees, you will pose as cousins traveling together. If you can't find anybody else, Riley will accompany you. We will provide you with money and whatever you need to keep an eye on the vampire. You will report to us on a regular basis. If you don't or if you should consider abandoning your duties, we won't support you any longer. But I am sure you will do the right thing, for your sister. You would not want to disappoint her, would you?"

"No." Buffy wouldn't. She did owe it to her sister. Somebody had to pay for her death. And so far that hadn't really happened.

"I am sure she would have done the same for you. And we, the elders, will regard the sacrifices you are making by leaving the protection of the clan very highly. And it would be horrible, if somebody else had to suffer her fate just because you don't want to do you duty. Wouldn't it?"

"Yes."

"Good, I see we understand each other. Finally. For now, Xander and Larry are following him. But you will leave as soon as possible and take over for them. Go and pack what you need and get some rest. We'll talk about everything else tomorrow. Sleep well. It might be your last peaceful sleep in the safety of the clan for a long while."

* * *

Buffy did as she was told and went back to her wagon. It used to be _their_ wagon, her sister's and hers. But Dawn was gone now. Buffy was divided and confused by everything that had happened. She loved her sister dearly. They hadn't always gotten along too well. They'd been so different. Her younger sister had always been the favorite. She had been beautiful and easily influenced by the clan elders. They liked to portray her as the perfect gypsy, who had overcome their parents' death by embracing the old traditions. She was a role model for many of the younger members. Dawn had needed something to look up to, to hold on to after their parents' death. The elders had used her desperation and forlornness to their own advantage.

Buffy had watched this development with some concern, as she herself did not agree with the blind devotion that was often required by the old customs. Buffy was of the opinion that following century old traditions without questioning them was not a sign of devotion but rather plain stupid. But they had given Dawn a purpose and clear guidelines after the confusion that had been caused by the death of their parents. And Buffy hadn't had the heart to take that illusion from her as well. She wanted Dawn to grow up as carefree as possible. She had always been suspicious of the leading members, but seeing how they gave her sister the strength and support to go on and forget the tragedy, she didn't want to cause any trouble.

And now her sister was dead. Killed by a vampire. Drained of her last drop of blood. It was a horrible crime and the creature that did this to her innocent sister should have been punished severely. But instead they used their old tricks and made everything more complicated and into a political agenda. They should have simply killed him and be done with it, so that everybody could go on with their lives. She still didn't fully understand how the curse worked or who had come up with it. She understood that the soul that had once belonged to the body the vampire had overtaken was back. But she didn't understand the concept of it. Had the soul been gone or simply inactive? Did it take a backseat and cheered the demon on when he killed? If that was the case, he too deserved to die. But what if not? Maybe the soul was as innocent as her sister. If not, she was not sure she could bear to watch him go on living, while her sister was dead. She might just kill him and be done with it, no matter what the clan elders would say. She had been chosen to watch over their vengeance. It had been her sister that had been killed. Why shouldn't she be able to express that vengeance as she liked? And he was still a vampire after all, living on human blood, soul or no soul.

Buffy didn't want to go on this wild-goose chase. She didn't see the sense in it. But after the talk Constantin had given her, she was not really too keen to stay either. At least this way she would get away from everything for a while. She only had to report on his whereabouts once in a while. As long as she didn't loose him, she could do with her time whatever she wanted. She could see a completely different world, away from all the rules and restrictions of the clan. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

Buffy felt restless and she was still confused about what she had just learned. Besides, the emptiness and quiet of the wagon was unsettling and weird. Dawn used to talk all day long without hardly ever taking a breath. Buffy decided to go and see Janna.

"Buffy, how are you?" Janna asked with concern when Buffy came in.

"I don't know."

"Come here and sit down."

Buffy sat down. She looked so forlorn. Janna got a blanket and wrapped it around her.

Janna had taken a liking to Buffy and Dawn after the death of their parents. She had no children of her own and she especially liked Buffy for she had a will of her own, something Janna had possessed a long time ago herself, but had never been brave enough to make known. Buffy did and Janna had always admired that about her.

"Are they sending me away to get rid of me?"

Janna was a powerful gypsy and on the best way to become one of the clan elders herself one day soon. She was already involved in most of the important clan business. And she was also aware of the elders' plans for Buffy.

"No, not like you think they are. You have been getting on their nerves a bit, being too outspoken and progressive for their tastes. Change in our clan comes gradually, not suddenly. I think since Dawn is gone, they have quite high hopes for you. They think sending you away will make you more mature and at the same time also more powerful."

"They don't want me more powerful, unless they can control me."

"They hope that while following the murderer of your sister, you will come to see it their way."

"And if I don't?"

"I wouldn't be too outspoken about that, if I were you," Janna cautioned her.

"Are you saying I should keep my mouth shut?"

"At least for the time being. And you will be away for quite a while. Maybe it won't be necessary to be that cautious when you come back."

"How long will they send me away for?"

"I am not sure. But it could be up to several years."

"Years? Great…"

"Things will change, Buffy. Be patient. See it as your chance to get away, to breathe fresh air. I know you've considered leaving before. You only stayed because of your sister."

"I wouldn't have known where to go anyway."

"Now you know."

"Following the murderer of my sister around is not how I imagined it."

"You will be doing a lot more than that. He is a vampire, he can't move around during the day. It will give you a lot of freedom."

"What would happen if… if I simply killed him? Maybe accidentally? Or in self-defense?" Buffy asked cautiously and in a subdued voice so she wouldn't be overheard.

"Ah…" Janna said knowingly.

"What?"

"You could do that. But if you obey the elders, it will give you a lot of admiration among the clan. You know how highly they regard vengeance, loyalty and duty. It will make you a powerful gypsy in your own right."

"And it won't, if I simply kill him? Is that what you are trying to say? Would they punish me for it?"

"Probably not, but it won't earn you the same amount of respect as if you showed your endurance by doing as they ask for now. And like I said, it will give you freedom for a while. If you kill him right away, they will likely find out sooner or later and order you back here."

"So I stalk him for a couple of years and simply come back, is that it?"

"Yes."

"Could I kill him then?"

"It probably wouldn't have the same repercussions."

"But you still wouldn't recommend it?"

Janna just smiled at Buffy fondly. "That's a long way ahead, don't you think?"

"If I don't kill him, won't I have to watch him forever?"

"No, somebody else will probably be appointed to take over once you have proven to be worthy."

"I see."

"So, who are you taking with you?"

"I will ask Willow."

Janna smiled kindly. "No surprise there."

"No, not really, I guess. And I don't think she will object. She seems shy to most people but-"

"- she is a force to be reckoned," Janna finished for her.

"How do you know?"

Janna smiled knowingly. "I am not blinded like some."

"You know?" Buffy asked cautiously.

Janna nodded.

"And you never told them?" Buffy asked surprised.

"No harm done in them not knowing." Janna grinned.

Willow had become a powerful witch over the years, without any of the elders being aware of it. Most gypsies knew some basic spells and curses. Some specialized in medicines or love potions. But most commonly known spells were rather harmless. And most spells were only passed on when clan members were considered old enough to not misuse them for playing tricks on others. Most knowledge and spells were handed down according to age or life stages, like marriage, having children and so on.

Buffy knew quite a few spells herself, more than most people her age – except Willow. Janna had taught Buffy as she thought her very mature for her age. At first, Buffy hadn't been very interested in remembering all the words and tools of the trade. But when she became responsible for her younger sister, she had felt she needed to learn it to better be able to take care of her. Buffy was a good student, even if she herself didn't think so. But her real gift seemed to be the art of prophecy and foretelling. Spells and magic could be learned by almost anybody, some were good at it and some were not. But prophecies were different. One had to have them first to be able to recognize them, read them and interpret them. The really skilled ones were even able to actively summon dreams or signs. Sadly, Janna hadn't been able to hone those talents as well, as she herself was not very familiar with them at all. And asking someone else to teach her would have meant revealing to them how much Buffy knew already.

But Willow's family was an exception. They were forbidden to practice any spells or magic at all. Her family had a dark history with it and was thus completely prohibited from using magic. Hardly anyone could remember what had caused this restriction. It was said that Willow's grandmother had done something very terrible when she was young, that she had not been able to control her magic. Buffy knew better. Willow's grandmother had gotten too powerful for the taste of the elders and used her powers for purposes that were not approved by them. Eventually she'd had to back down in order to protect her family. Nowadays, the elders left her alone as she was senile and not considered a threat anymore. In reality, Willow's grandmother successfully pretended to be senile and Willow had volunteered to care for her frail and ailing grandmother. It was the perfect opportunity for her grandmother to pass on her knowledge to her granddaughter, as Willow was only too eager to learn everything there was to learn about magic. It worked well for them and they had great fun knowing that they had been deceiving the elders successfully for years now. Only Buffy knew the real reason why Willow was spending so much time with her grandmother.

"I think Willow won't mind leaving the clan for a while. But Constantin told me that somebody had already volunteered to accompany me. You'll never guess who."

"Who?"

"Riley."

"And that surprises you? Really?" Janna asked amused.

Buffy just looked at her questioningly.

"Well, it seems it was for you. Riley likes you."

"He probably just volunteered because he thought it would help him become more powerful and rise faster in the clan hierarchy."

"I don't think that is his only motive."

"What do you mean?"

"Buffy, he has had an eye on you for years."

"We are the same age. We grew up together," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

"It's more than that. So you are not interested?"

"In Riley? No!"

"Sorry I asked," Janna said teasingly.

"Maybe you are interested in him?" Buffy asked jokingly.

"Certainly not. Too young for me."

Buffy grinned. "Says who? Or is there somebody I don't know about?"

"No, nobody," Janna sighed. "The selection of eligible men here is not exactly overwhelming. They are all so narrow-minded."

"I know what you mean," Buffy groaned.

They both laughed.

Then Buffy said, "There is something I didn't quite understand about that curse."

"Yes?"

"The vampire was given back his soul so he would suffer, right?"

Janna nodded.

"But they actually want him to loose his soul again. Why? That's stupid."

Janna sighed. "He will feel remorse for the people he killed. But-"

"The people the demon killed," Buffy clarified.

"Right."

"But is the soul innocent or a partner in the crime?"

"I don't think they care about that."

"I gathered as much. But I would like to know."

"I can't tell you for sure, Buffy. I don't know. Only the vampire could answer that for you. We know a lot about them. But not what is going on in their minds. And as far as I know, this curse has never been tried before."

"If the soul really is innocent, if the soul is like a different person, why would they punish him? That would only be fair if he were an accomplice."

"They need a scapegoat."

Buffy thought about this for a while. She didn't come to a satisfying conclusion. She simply would have to find out that answer herself. Then she remembered what she had really wanted to know. "Sorry, I interrupted you before. Please go on. Why would they want him to loose the soul they cursed him with?"

After seeing Buffy's reactions to what she had told her so far, Janna was sure she would like this even less. "The soul will feel remorse for the victims. But the elders think that this suffering is not enough. It would not be equal to our suffering for having lost one of our one, a loved one. Vampires kill random people to feed on. They don't know them. They have no emotional bond with them. Which means, he doesn't feel the same kind of devastation he would feel as if he had lost someone close to him."

"Maybe he did," Buffy pointed out.

Janna shrugged her shoulders. "Who knows."

"By now he might already feel guilty about having killed his whole family, his whole neighborhood or even his whole town."

"I hadn't thought of that," Janna admitted.

"And of course the elders wouldn't think of that either, right?" Buffy asked, although she was pretty sure of the answer.

"Hardly."

"And probably wouldn't care either."

"Most likely."

Buffy sighed in frustration. "Okay, so they don't care, we've established that. And they don't consider the punishment severe enough yet. So what happens next?"

"Well, they believe that one day, he will come to care about somebody again. And then he will loose his soul and kill that person."

"I got that. And it's plain cruel. They actually want him to kill an innocent. But, wait, how would he loose his soul? Oh, God, I get it," Buffy said shocked. "They want me to watch him and when he finds somebody like that, they want me to take his soul again so that he will kill that person?" Buffy asked aghast.

"No, that's not it."

"Then I don't understand," Buffy said confused.

"Your job is only to report to the clan _after _he has already lost his soul, so that we can recurse him."

"But how will he loose his soul?"

"Happiness."

"Happiness?"

"Perfect happiness. He needs to forget his sins. He needs to feel he has been forgiven. He needs to truly care about somebody. He needs to fall in love."

Buffy didn't consider that scenario very likely, but for completeness' sake she went on, "So for example, he might loose his soul while they are kissing, he vamps out and rips the poor girl's throat out?"

"Kissing probably wouldn't be enough," Janna offered a bit reluctantly.

"Then what…?" Suddenly the pieces fell into place. "You mean…?"

Janna nodded.

Buffy blushed, then she said outraged, "That's twisted and sick! Who would come up with something like that? What happened to simple punishment, like… I don't know… beheading or burning at the stake or stabbing with a sword or in his case simply staking him?"

"You know how the elders are, Buffy," Janna said resignedly.

"What if he feels so guilty that he doesn't make any friends? And who would fall in love with a vampire?"

"Gypsies can be very patient."

"So I have been told. How patient?"

"Centuries? Who knows."

"Well, I can hardly follow him when I am old and wobbly on my legs, leaning on a cane and he is still as young as ever. They'll definitely have to find someone to replace me first then."

"Believe me, they will. They will do everything and anything to make sure of their vengeance."

"Don't they have any hobbies?" Buffy murmured.

Janna laughed. "I guess not."

Suddenly Buffy got very quiet.

"What's wrong, Buffy?"

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean? You have a clear path before you."

"No, I don't. I always did the things I did for my sister. Now, she is gone. I don't know my purpose in life anymore. I never considered what I wanted. I only ever considered what would make our life easier, what would make her life easier."

"You'll find out soon enough."

"It's scary."

"I have no doubt that you will do just fine, Buffy. You are very inventive."

"I miss her."

"I know. You can sleep here tonight, if you want."

"Thank you, but I guess I have to learn to sleep alone anyway."

"Tomorrow will be early enough, don't you think?" Janna gave her a tender smile.

"Okay."

TBC


	2. Beginning of a Journey

**Chapter 2 – Beginning of a Journey**

**Notes:**

I tried to research the historical setting as best as I could without spending too much time on it. So mistakes are possible. Better don't use what you read here in your next history test.

The political borders were different in 1898. Romania used to be much smaller during that time, about half the area it is today. The other part belonged to Austria-Hungary. Austria-Hungary (1867-1918) was a huge empire, consisting of today's Hungary, Slovakia, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Austria, Czech Republic, and parts of Italy, Poland, Russia and Romania.

* * *

Buffy was going through her things, considering what she wanted to take along. She couldn't take much, only the essentials. They'd have to travel on foot a lot. The bag would have to be light enough to carry for long distances. She chose her least colorful dresses, skirts and blouses, outfits that were the least likely to reveal her gypsy heritage. They didn't want to draw attention. They'd probably have to make new clothes along the way to adapt to the circumstances and disappear into the crowd. Luckily, the clan elders weren't greedy when it came to supporting this vengeance operation. They had provided them with sufficient funds for accommodation, food and other essentials. The clan was rather well off. They were breeding and training horses and sold them in the towns and cities they came through.

When Buffy came across her favorite dress, a dress she usually wore to special occasions, like festivals or celebrations, she was reluctant to leave it behind. It was perfect for dancing and she loved to dance. The skirt had little chains of metal plates attached that would jingle when she moved. She'd made it herself. Everybody made their own clothes. Buying them was simply too expensive. But this had been the first dress she had ever made without any help from her mother. It was the quintessential gypsy dress, colorful, consisting of several layers of different, vibrant shades of red, comfortable to wear, ideal for dancing and the cleavage was a bit more revealing than on her other dresses. Her father had not been too happy about the low neckline. But her mother had said it was perfect.

Buffy decided to take the dress with her. Maybe she would get an opportunity to wear it. She was proud to be a gypsy. She didn't always agree with their ways, but she loved the general ideas of moving from place to place, of not belonging to just one place but being at home wherever the clan was.

When she was finished with packing, Buffy walked over to Willow's wagon.

"You ready, Will?"

"Yeah," she came out and grinned, "been packed and ready for years." She patted her bag.

Buffy laughed. Then she realized that Willow actually meant what she had said. "Seriously?"

"Yep, I've had that bag ready to go underneath my bed since I was ten, I think."

"Well, I hope you repacked it every once in a while. I think if you only have those silly skirts you wore when you were ten, we will stick out like a sore thumb."

"Don't worry. And I got rid of Mr. Scarecrow, too, and exchanged him for some very useful," she leaned closer to Buffy so they wouldn't be overheard, "special ingredients my grandma gave me."

Buffy hugged her. "I am so glad you are coming with me, Will." She didn't mention that she herself had not been able to leave her stuffed animal, Mr. Gordo, behind.

"And I am so glad you are taking me with you. I might have had that bag packed for years, but I never would have had the courage to leave on my own."

* * *

Buffy and Willow went over to where the elders were already waiting for them.

"We received a message from Xander and Larry," Constantin said. "The vampire is not very far away yet. He only made it to the next town. But my guess is that he is ultimately making his way towards a bigger city. Vampires like to hide in bigger cities because there are more places to seek shelter during the day. And more food, of course. And they are less likely to draw attention. In small towns, people tend to know each other. He's probably trying to get away from us and heading towards Austria-Hungary. Do you have any questions?"

"No."

"Jenny showed you how to work the location spell?"

"Yes."

"Good. But don't forget, you have to be in his vicinity for it to work. So don't get lazy and let him out of sight for too long."

"We know," Buffy said.

"We?" Constantin asked, obviously disapproving of Buffy's use of pronouns. "You know Willow is not allowed to practice any spells. That won't change just because she is leaving the community."

"Sorry, I meant 'I know' of course." Buffy rolled her eyes and added with a tiny, defiant grin, "But Willow can at least remind me, in case I should forget."

Constantin ignored her last remark and went on, "And don't loose the hair we gave you. The spell can't be done without it."

Buffy groaned inwardly. How stupid did they think she was? It was almost a miracle that they let her go at all, if they really thought she couldn't manage a spell a six year old could do. "I won't."

Noticing Buffy's irritation, Constantin relented, "I just wanted to make sure that there were no misunderstandings."

"Well, there obviously weren't. Can we go now?"

"So eager to do your duty? I am glad to finally see a change in attitude from you. Well, we wish you two all the best then and hope to receive the first reports from you soon."

"Of course."

Buffy and Willow said goodbye to their family and friends, when Riley approached Buffy and said, "I will accompany you until you meet up with Xander and Larry."

"We'll be fine, but thanks," Buffy said curtly.

Constantin came up behind Riley and said in a resolute voice, "He will accompany you. It wasn't an offer."

Buffy and Willow exchanged annoyed looks. Total freedom would have to wait a little longer.

* * *

Riley was walking quite some distance ahead of Buffy and Willow. He had insisted on scouting the area. Willow and Buffy had tried to suppress their laughter as they were very familiar with this area. It was an area the clan chose regularly, almost every year, to set up their camp. They probably knew the area better than Riley. But they simply let him be and pretended to be grateful. This way they would have their peace and quiet and could talk undisturbed.

"Just be glad you didn't have to be there as well, Will. The advice Jenny gave me was actually interesting and valuable. She even taught me some more spells that might come in handy, additional to that ridiculous location spell. But Constantin's lecture… I had such a hard time keeping a straight face." Buffy made her voice deeper to impersonate the clan elder. "'Vampires can smell human beings from exactly ten horse lengths away. Women he can smell even eleven horse lengths away. Children from only nine horse lengths.' Can you believe that?" Buffy burst out laughing and Willow joined in.

"Yeah, how would he know?"

"Exactly, did he do an experiment with vampires and interviewed them afterwards? Don't think they would have cooperated."

"They would have eaten him, too."

They burst out laughing again. It was so good to get away from the clan. It was a feeling of freedom. They were almost euphoric.

"But I do wonder," Willow said. "Vampires do have a great sense of smell. We have to be careful."

"I know."

"I would think that out here, where the air is clean, he could smell us pretty well. But in the city it would be hard to distinguish between anything from even one horse length away with all those awful smells."

"Yuck. The city does smell awful. The few times I have been there it was disgusting. But the people in the city don't seem to mind."

"I guess their noses got used to the stinking odors."

"Probably. On the one hand I dread going to the city, if that is where the vampire is really heading. But on the other hand, it could be quite interesting."

"Oh, yes," Willow said excitedly. "All the big buildings and shops and different food. Do you think they have magic shops?"

"I wouldn't bet on it. Certainly not in the smaller ones. And even if, we wouldn't know how to find them. There might not be any burning at the stakes anymore, but people are still very suspicious of women interested in that. We have to be careful."

"I know," Willow sighed. "Why do people have to be so narrow-minded?"

"Don't ask me that. Even our own clan, who practices magic, is narrow-minded. And look who is walking in front of us: Mr. Most-narrow-minded-of-all."

They started giggling again.

"I don't even want to think what would have happened if you wouldn't have agreed to come with me. I'd have to do this with him," Buffy said disgusted.

"Can't blame him. You are one of the most beautiful girls of the whole clan. And everyone is after him. He thinks he can have anyone."

"Yuck. Anyone but me."

"Or me. But at his side, you could have made it far," Willow teased.

"Right, become his trophy wife and be prohibited to ever utter a word again."

"It seems that is the highest goal of many young women in our clan," Willow said disdainfully.

"Idiots."

"Exactly. I'd rather end up a spinster than submit to some stupid, no-good husband."

"Absolutely," Buffy agreed.

"My grandmother would disown me." Willow chuckled. "Not that she has anything to pass on to me besides her knowledge, but she would do it anyway."

Again, they started laughing.

After walking a while in quiet, simply enjoying the sounds of the woods, Willow asked carefully, "Buffy, do you think you can do this?"

"Do what?"

"Watch how the murderer of your sister goes on with his life?"

"I don't know, Willow, I really don't know. And I don't quite understand all this yet. Janna explained some of this soul stuff to me. But why do they want to make him suffer by giving him his soul back? What was he without his soul? Compared to having a soul? How much a difference makes the soul? How much of him is still that monster that killed my sister? If he feels guilty about it now that he has a soul, he probably wouldn't do something like that again, meaning he would never have done it with a soul in the first place, right?"

"I don't know, Buffy." Willow could see that this was seriously upsetting her friend.

"Who are they punishing, the monster or the soul?"

"The vampire, the monster, I would say."

"Yeah, that was the intention. But they say the monster wouldn't care, so they gave him a soul. So then the soul is the one who ultimately suffers, isn't it?"

"You talk like they are two different people, Buffy. He killed your sister, no matter if he has a soul now or not."

"I'm not so sure about that. Where was the soul before it was put back? Has it been present all the time and was just activated? Then yes, it would be one and the same, I guess. But what if the soul was gone, like in heaven? I mean, he was a person before. He died when he was made a vampire. If his soul was sent to heaven, imagine what the soul must have felt when it was dragged out of there to be put into the body of a mass murderer."

"Or hell," Willow pointed out. "Maybe he wasn't a good person at all and his soul was in hell."

"Could be," Buffy sighed. This was confusing. And she felt that as the person who was responsible for him now she should know these things. She felt ill-prepared and wouldn't put it beyond the elders that they had tried to confuse her on purpose or withheld information. "Well, I guess I have to find out."

"Find out? Like go up to him and ask him?"

"Why not?"

"Buffy! He is a vampire. He is dangerous."

"A vampire with a soul. They wouldn't have let him loose, if he was still that dangerous."

"Buffy, you can't reveal yourself to him."

"I know, I know. I wasn't really serious about that. But I need to find out more about him, if I want to do this right."

"You were always too curious for your own good," Willow cautioned. "I'm sure we'll find a library somewhere and could read up on vampires. I always found them quite fascinating, you know, mysterious and evil – from afar, of course. They always make good horror story material." Willow wasn't really too fond of the idea of getting too close to the vampire.

"Willow, he is unique. Janna said he's the first ever with a soul she's heard of. You won't find anything about him in books."

Willow didn't know how to reply to that. But then they saw that Riley had stopped and was waiting for them to catch up.

"We are there," he said when they came closer. "Look, there's the town. And it looks like Xander and Larry are already waiting for us." He waved and two figures waved back.

When the group got closer, Xander greeted them. "Buffy, Willow, so great to see you. Riley, man, didn't think you would come all the way out here, too."

"I just wanted to make sure that Buffy and Willow found you guys alright. I still don't think it's a good idea that the elders sent them off without any male company."

"We are perfectly able to look out for ourselves, Riley," Buffy said annoyed.

Willow nodded.

Before Riley could say anything else, Xander said, "Well, we'll show you where the vamp usually hides during the day. Come on."

"Riley, maybe you should wait here. Four is already a crowd," Buffy pointed out.

"Yeah, we don't want to wake the sleeping beast," Xander joked.

"I'll stay here with Riley," Larry offered. He wasn't really happy about this assignment at all. He wanted to go home and get far away from this murderer as quickly as possible.

"Good idea," Buffy said quickly, before Riley had a chance to object.

* * *

When they were some distance away from Riley and Larry, Xander said, "Man, never thought Larry would be such a wuss. As soon as the sun set on the first night we were out here, he got all jittery and wrapped himself in crosses. Then he lined up bottles of holy water like a protective wall between him and the door. I thought a guy of his size would not be afraid of one single vampire. He is driving me crazy."

After some more walking Xander led them to a barn a bit out of town. It was quite some distance away from the main house. "He's been staying here for the last few days. Hardly ever moved. We didn't see him attack any people. He seems slightly confused. Maybe he is still hazy from the spell the elders did on him. One night, I think he was chasing rabbits and fed on one. My guess is that he is probably still too weak to chase anything bigger. But who knows. Maybe he just went bonkers after that spell. You better be careful. A vampire is bad enough, but a mad vampire... I really don't get why the elders didn't just kill him. This is irresponsible." When Xander realized what he had just let slip, he looked nervously at Buffy. "Um… don't tell Riley I said that. He will probably rat me out to the elders. I really don't wanna go back to being responsible for the horse dung."

"Don't worry, Xander. I won't tell Riley anything. I am glad if I don't have to talk to him at all."

Xander grinned relieved and went on, "Since the harvest is already in, the people living here only go into the barn out once in a while to get some hay. But otherwise they don't seem to use it."

"What is that noise?" Buffy asked.

"Oh that. We've heard it before. Probably some animal."

It sounded more like whistling or howling to Buffy. "An animal? You sure?" The noise seemed to come from the barn and Buffy went closer.

Xander grabbed her arm. "Hey, what do you think you are doing?"

"It's light, Xander, as long as I stay outside, he can't hurt me, even if he should be awake."

Buffy went to the door and put her ear to it. "It's coming from inside," Buffy whispered to Xander and Willow. Just when she was about to carefully open the door, a horrible scream came from inside the barn. Startled, Buffy jumped back from the door.

"Told ya, he's raving mad," Xander said.

To Buffy, the scream had sounded like someone being tortured or having a really, really bad nightmare.

"I would understand if you simply offed him," Xander said. "I certainly would, if he had killed my sister. Nobody would blame you. The elders will be a bit miffed, but they'll get over it. I could stick around a bit longer and help you."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll manage."

"Want to do it yourself, right? Can't blame you. Kick him in the balls for me, if you get the chance."

* * *

They all went back into town. Xander, Larry and Riley offered to stay with Buffy and Willow a few more days. But they declined, saying that the elders expected them back and would probably want another report as soon as possible. Larry was rather glad when the other two finally agreed to leave without any further delay.

"If you need anything, let me know," Riley said to Buffy as they said their goodbyes. "If you think you need backup, write me and I am sure I can convince the elders to let me accompany you after all."

"Thanks, Riley, but I am confident that Willow and I will be fine."

"Yes, yes, I know, for two young women you are quite capable. I didn't mean to imply that you weren't, otherwise the elders wouldn't have sent you on this mission. I am just worried about you."

Buffy had to pull herself together to keep herself from saying something very insulting to Riley. "Thank you, Riley, that means a lot to us," she lied through her teeth.

After the three guys had finally left, Buffy and Willow got a room at the local inn. The town was very small and there was just this one. But it was very nice and cozy and run by a very friendly landlady. The landlady was only too happy to have two young women as her guests for a change.

"So, how long will you two be staying?" she asked Buffy and Willow.

"We don't know yet," Buffy answered. She hoped that the vampire would move on to a bigger town soon. If they stayed here for too long, it would arouse suspicion. "We want to rest a bit before we travel on, but haven't decided yet for how long."

"Where are you headed, dears?"

"We are going to visit family, in Austria-Hungary."

"Really? Such a long way for two young women on their own. But I always thought gypsies travel with their whole clan. You two are gypsies, aren't you?"

Willow and Buffy looked at each other, not knowing what to say and wondering how she had guessed.

"Oh, no need to be ashamed. I have nothing against gypsies. Not at all. My son once bought a horse from your people. He always said that it was the best horse he ever had." The landlady smiled at them warmly. "But that was a long time ago. He hardly comes back home anymore. He is one of the few who ever made it out of here. He is a very successful businessman now. He even wanted me to give up my inn and come live with him in one of those big cities, I can't remember the name. But I told him that I would never leave here. It's my home and I have my own little inn, which I am very proud of. And it's a great way to meet new people, don't you think?"

"Yes, it sure is," Buffy said. "But can I ask what gave us away?"

"Mainly your colorful shawls."

Buffy and Willow had consciously foregone any accessories that could have given them away, like flashy jewelry or headscarves. They had chosen plain-colored skirts and blouses. But since the outside temperatures could get rather cold this time of the year, they had both wrapped themselves in their warmest shawls, which happened to have colorful patterns.

"I understand your desire to go incognito. Not everybody is welcoming to people from elsewhere. My son had the same problem when he first started his business. Nobody wanted to work with him when they found out where he was really from. They thought somebody from such a little village in the country could never be any good. So he pretended to be from a big city, dressed like it, talked like it. And it worked. He's such a clever boy."

"I am sure he is," Buffy said.

"Oh, I am sorry. I am going on and on when you two must be very tired from your travels. Come on, I will show you your room."

* * *

After the landlady had shown them to their room and left again, Buffy said, "I was thinking, maybe I should let my natural hair color grow back. What do you think?"

"I hardly remember what you looked like as a blonde," Willow said. "I only remember that when I was still a little girl and told my mother I wanted to have hair like yours, she said that me having red hair was already bad enough."

They both laughed at that.

"And only a short while later you had dark hair like all the other girls."

"You were the only one to wish for blond hair, Will. And I would have given anything to have your red hair."

"They were just envious of you, Buffy."

Buffy's father had married an outsider, someone not from the gypsy community. That in itself was not forbidden or a problem. But her mother had had blond hair and it had constantly reminded everybody that she had not been one of them from the beginning. And it had made her integration into the community harder for her. Buffy had inherited her mother's blond hair. And since children could be very cruel, they had teased her mercilessly about her blond hair. Her father had told Buffy to be proud of being different, that she was special. But a five year old didn't care about being special when the other kids constantly pulled at her hair and called her names. Finally her mother hadn't been able to bear her daughter running home crying anymore and had dyed her hair dark. She had been glad when her second daughter had been born with her father's brown hair.

"I think I will do it, Willow," Buffy said determined.

"Do what?"

"Go back to my old hair color. I should have done it long ago." She had rebelled against the elders whenever she could, but she hadn't done the most obvious thing, setting herself apart from them by not hiding her true hair color any longer.

"I'm sure it'll look great on you. And it'll be a good disguise at the same time. We'll just have to get you some of this liquid, I think they call it... hydrogen peroxide. It bleaches the hair so you won't have to wait until it grows out naturally. But I don't think we'll get that here. Maybe in the next bigger town."

"I've been a brunette for years now. A few more days or weeks won't make a difference."

"Maybe I should try a new hair color as well."

"Don't, your hair is pretty as it is."

Willow smiled. "I was just joking."

"Oh, good. Well, I'll try to get some sleep. I want to go out later and see for myself how our vampire spends his nights."

"_Our _vampire?" Willow asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You know what I mean."

"I think I'll go downstairs again and keep our landlady some company, maybe ask her some questions about the town."

Buffy grinned. "I'm sure she won't mind one bit."

"Maybe I am just missing my grandmother," Willow mused. "Well, I'll see you later."

"Okay."

Willow left and Buffy tried to get some sleep. She wanted to be alert for when she went out again after dark to see what the vampire would do at night time. But even after the long trip, Buffy had trouble falling asleep. She simply couldn't get that agonizing scream out of her head.

TBC

* * *

**Note:**

Fact, not fiction: Hydrogen peroxide was already used for bleaching hair in the late 1800s.


	3. Vampire Reconnaissance

**Chapter 3 – Vampire Reconnaissance**

**Note:**

Thanks to my two faithful reviewers, SMGbest and Angellufy, and the third new one, leona. Without you, the story would have probably taken a back seat to other stories.

This is set to be a longer story (at least something between 10 and 20 chapters). There will be lots of Buffy / Angel interaction to come. And at least four more "old acquaintances" are set to appear as well.

* * *

Buffy arrived at the barn just as the sun was vanishing behind the horizon. It didn't take long until the vampire made an appearance. He opened the barn door carefully and had a quick look around. Buffy was hiding in a small grove not too far away from the barn. When he didn't see anybody, he walked towards a small hill, where he simply lay down and stared at the sky. And he kept doing that for the rest of the night.

Buffy didn't know what she had expected would happen, but this was certainly not it. When she started to get cold from just standing around and doing nothing, she decided to go back to the inn. The night was only half over, but she doubted that if he wanted to move on he would do so now, without knowing when he would find the next shelter from the sun.

When Buffy snuck back into the inn as not to wake anybody, she almost ran into the landlady.

"You've been out rather late," she remarked.

"Oh... um…" Buffy stuttered.

"I want to make one thing clear, I don't allow any male visitors in my inn, or any other shenanigans of that sort," she said disapprovingly.

It took Buffy a moment to realize what the landlady was implying. "Oh, no," she said quickly, "it's not what you think."

"It's not?" the landlady asked, hoping very much that her suspicions were inaccurate.

"No, you see, I sometimes just have trouble sleeping. And the only thing that helps me fall asleep again is some fresh air and a nice walk."

The landlady smiled relieved. "Oh, you poor thing. How about I'll make you some warm milk? That always helps me fall asleep again."

* * *

When Buffy went out to the barn the next night, the exact same thing happened as the night before, and then again the next night and the night after that. Buffy was getting more and more bored each day. The vampire never did anything. He just lay there looking at the sky. He never even went hunting. Wouldn't he need blood to survive? On some nights, Willow came along to keep her company, but she usually didn't stay long.

Then one night, he suddenly jumped up and pounced on something. Buffy left the protection of the grove and went closer, hiding behind the barn. The vampire had caught a small animal and was ravenously feeding on it. At first Buffy was shocked when she saw his hideously contorted face in the moonlight. He had blood all over his face. Buffy's first instinct was to run. But she reminded herself that he must have been really hungry by now and that it was just instinct that had made him maul the animal like that. For a spilt second, she saw the mauled neck of her poor dead sister before her inner eye. She quickly squeezed her eyes shut and pushed the image away. By now she was almost certain that that had been another person, not the person looking at the stars each night and never harming a human being.

When the vampire had finished his meal, it looked like he was coming out of a daze. His face changed back to its human form and he looked dismayed at the dead animal in his hands. He quickly threw it away. Then he looked at his bloody hands and wiped them off in the grass frantically.

* * *

Since the vampire had stayed in town and had not moved on as Buffy and Willow had anticipated, they had needed a plausible excuse why they were staying in such a little town for so long. They had bought some cloth and started sewing new clothes, especially a cloak for each of them for the quickly approaching winter. They had told the landlady that they wanted to stay until they had finished the clothes and would not be recognizable as gypsies right away in the next town. The landlady had readily accepted this excuse.

"So, what do you think he is doing out there, looking at the sky all night?" Willow asked one day.

"I don't know."

"Maybe Xander was right and he really is mad. Maybe he doesn't remember a thing, maybe not even where he is or who he is."

"I don't think so. He definitely remembers that he is a vampire." Then Buffy remembered how he had thrown away the small animal after he had fed on it. "Maybe he is disgusted by what he is," Buffy said. "Maybe he simply doesn't know what to do now, how to deal with it."

* * *

One day, Buffy went to the barn during the day. She wanted to see him in better light. She had only seen him from afar, mostly just his outline, except for nights when the moon was very bright. Very quietly and very carefully she opened the door and looked inside. She didn't see him. But she heard something. It was the same noise she had heard the day Xander had first taken them out here. This time she thought it sounded more like whimpering. She followed the noise. It came from behind a wall of hay bales. He had probably arranged them like that to have additional shelter from the sun or intruders. Even more quietly and cautiously, Buffy peeked around the hay bales.

The vampire was lying on the ground on a layer of hay, in the darkest corner of the barn. But there was still enough light that Buffy could see him clearly. He was dirty and unkempt. And he was tossing and turning in his sleep. He made sounds that were something between whimpers and agonizing moans. Buffy could even make out some tears that were running down his face. She couldn't help but feel pity for him. His dreams must be pure nightmares judging from what she was witnessing before her. Buffy bent down to better be able to see his face. She caught herself reaching out to touch him and quickly withdrew her hand. The vampire had grown quieter. Buffy stood up and took a step back, never letting him out of her sight. Maybe he had smelled her. But taking into account how bad _he_ smelled, she doubted he could make out anything else beside his own stench. Nevertheless, she decided it was safer to retreat before he woke up, for whatever reason.

* * *

The next few nights got colder and colder. But the vampire just kept lying in the grass as usual. Buffy's nightly visits to the barn got shorter and shorter. She really wished he would move on soon. She didn't want to imagine what this would be like when the snow would start to fall. Buffy wondered if maybe she should just walk up to him and talk to him. Something needed to happen. Why shouldn't she be the one to change something in their routine? Willow certainly wouldn't approve. But Buffy honestly didn't believe that he would harm anyone.

A few nights later, Buffy's problem of boredom was solved by someone else. When she got to the barn shortly before sunset, she saw a young man and woman heading towards the barn. They were obviously looking for a private place to be alone. Buffy was instantly concerned that if they startled the vampire, he might react rashly and hurt somebody by accident. But she didn't know what to do but to wait and see what would happen.

For quite a while nothing happened at all. But when the sun had set completely, a dark figure jumped from the top barn window. He must have made it to the upper part of the barn before the young couple could see him. But instead of heading for his favorite spot on the hill, the vampire headed straight for the road. Buffy followed him.

She was soon convinced that he was heading for the next town. Buffy had wanted a change in the routine, but following him without any advance warning was not how she had imagined it. But without even having to pack a bag, he could just up and leave at any moment. Luckily, he didn't seem to be in a hurry. He walked at a rather leisurely pace. Buffy knew she'd have to backtrack later to get Willow. She was glad when, after several hours of walking, he stopped in a small town and sought shelter in an old shed. Buffy was confident that he would probably stay there for the rest of the night and walked back to the inn.

It was early in the morning when she snuck into their room. Willow was wide awake.

"Where were you? Are you alright?" Willow asked concerned. "You've been coming back earlier and earlier the last few days and then you stay away almost the whole night? What happened? I was so worried."

"I'm sorry. Our vampire is on the move. I followed him to the next town. We are leaving first thing in the morning. But I really need some sleep now," Buffy said tiredly.

In the morning, they packed their things, bid farewell to their landlady and walked to the next town. As soon as they had arrived and gotten a room, Buffy headed straight for bed. After having walked three times the distance Willow and the vampire had, she was exhausted and fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

The next night, Buffy and Willow were prepared. They had paid their room in advance and taken their things with them. Buffy had a feeling that the vampire might move on right away. And that feeling proved to be correct. This went on for several nights in a row. Each time after they had reached a new town and the vampire had found an adequate shelter for the day, Buffy and Willow checked into a guest house, slept as much as they could during the day and moved on during the night.

"I am just glad he never skips a town," Willow remarked.

"He probably just doesn't want to risk being caught outside when the sun rises."

"That would make sense," Willow admitted. "I just hope he finds a town he likes soon. I wouldn't mind staying somewhere for longer than a few hours."

Buffy chuckled. "I don't think he didn't like the towns we came through, he hardly ever takes a look at them. My guess is that he will continue to move on until we come across a bigger city. He can hide more easily there and blend in. Even we are drawing attention in the small towns and have trouble making up excuses for our strange daily routines."

* * *

Two days later, they finally arrived at a far bigger city than all the other ones before. The vampire even took the time to explore the city some more before finally seeking shelter shortly before sunrise. He settled for some stables on the outskirts.

Buffy was curious to see if his routine would change now that they were in a big city. And indeed, he became a lot more active. He roamed through the city, but seemingly never with a particular destination in mind. His walk was crouched and listless and he shied away from people. The city offered more places for Buffy to hide as well, making it easier to follow him without being conspicuous or drawing attention. But he was also a lot easier to loose. Buffy had to use the location spell a few times already. But it was easy enough and took only a few seconds to perform. It worked like a mix between a pendulum and a compass. Only a few murmured words and a pendant attached to a piece of string and containing his hair would point her in the right direction.

At first, Buffy followed him all night long, curious to see what he would do, and slept during the day. Willow usually went out to explore the city during the day as to not disturb Buffy sleeping in their room. She was thrilled by everything she saw. Willow was fascinated by the architecture. She loved the market. She found some interesting books shops. The city even had a library. She also found a pharmacy selling hydrogen peroxide as well as some useful herbs she would add to her own collection.

Buffy rarely saw the vampire feed. Once she witnessed him feeding on one of the goats in the stable. But he didn't take much. And the goat didn't seem affected by the loss of blood at all. He only fed on animals and seemed to be putting it off for as long as possible. This wasn't the killer everybody said he was. He looked like someone who was highly uncomfortable with what he was. At times it looked like he despised himself. But if he wasn't the cold-blooded murderer of her sister anymore, then who was he?

A couple of times Buffy was close to striking up a conversation with him. But each time either her courage left her or she heard Constantin's voice booming in her head, telling her that she would be betraying her sister. Buffy tried to silence the voice, telling it that she was doing nothing wrong, but the voice wouldn't shut up.

After a while, the vampire got even more lethargic and reclusive. Some nights he didn't leave the stables at all. Some nights he roamed the city until the sun was already up, not seeming to care if he made it back to his shelter before the first rays of the day would appear.

* * *

One night, it was an especially cold and windy night, Buffy lost him again and had to use the location spell. She found him a short while later in a dark and deserted alley. The vampire was standing next to a tree and was bending over something. She carefully went closer. A huge tree branch had been broken off by the wind and was lying on the ground. The vampire was snapping off smaller branches from it, several pieces were lying all around him. Finally, one seemed to be to his taste. He weighed it carefully in his hand. One end was rather pointy. He opened his coat, faced the tree, put the piece of wood between himself and the trunk, one end touching the bark and the other - the more pointy end - touching his chest, so that it was kept in place. Then he held on to the trunk, as if he wanted to embrace it.

"No! Stop!" Buffy yelled without even thinking about what she was doing.

The vampire was startled by her screaming and turned to see who had disturbed him. The wood fell to the ground.

Buffy ran up to him. "Sir, please, don't do such a thing."

He feigned innocence. "What thing?"

"Taking your own life. I bet you have a long life in front of you."

He bowed his head. "A life full of agony and pain. For me and others."

"How do you know that?" Buffy asked. She didn't know what else to say. Her heart was hammering in her chest like crazy. She had trouble forming a clear thought. She had prevented him from killing himself and now she was actually talking to him. She had thought about talking to him for days, but really doing it was a whole different thing. She was talking to a vampire, to the murderer of her sister. She had never been so close to him before. If she had reached out her hand, she could have touched him.

"Believe me, I know." He leaned back against the tree trunk, staring at the pieces of wood on the ground. "Go home, Miss. You shouldn't be in this part of town at night."

"Oh… um… I know, but I... got lost," Buffy said as innocently as possible, trying to put on a pitiful face. "Seems you are lost, too, just in another way." Again, she didn't know where that had come from.

"Where do you live?"

"I am staying at Radu's Pub and Guest House in Market Street."

He pointed towards where she had come from. "Just go back that way, go left, turn the next right, then left at the Crazy Horse pub, walk until you see a white church, turn right after that, from there go on until you get to the market place. Do you know your way from there?"

"Yes, I know the market place. It's not far from there," Buffy said cheerily.

"Good." He turned to go in the opposite direction.

"So to get there I go right and then the first left?" Buffy asked innocently and deep in thought, pretending she had a hard time remembering his directions.

He groaned. She would get herself killed tonight or end up in even seedier districts than this one, maybe even the brothel part of the city. "How about I bring you?" he finally offered. He didn't want another soul on his conscience.

"Really? Would you be so kind?" Buffy said, feigning relief. Well, she was relieved, relieved that he had fallen for her scheme.

"Sure." He could still kill himself later. Why not go out with a bang and help a beautiful young lady home first? Maybe he would get some credit for that in his afterlife, like maybe 10 minutes less in hell, out of several thousand years. "Come on."

"Oh, thank you, Mr. …?"

"Just call me… Angel." He couldn't even say his real name. He wasn't Angelus anymore. Just the name was making him sick. It reminded him of all the things he had done while being known under that dreadful name.

"That is so good of you," Buffy said sweetly. "Thank you very much for putting off taking your own life. That is so selfless."

"Are you making fun of me?" Angel asked suspiciously, not that he really cared.

"No, not at all. But you see, I would think that somebody who takes his own life would have to be a very selfish person."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, you must have somebody who cares about you and you will cause them terrible pain if you kill yourself. Somebody who can do that must be selfish."

"There is nobody, Miss."

"Oh, I am sorry."

"That's okay. I don't take offense easily."

After walking for a while without anybody saying anything, the silence was getting awkward.

"Are you sure there is nobody?" Buffy asked, trying to make conversation.

"I am quite sure."

"That is indeed very sad." After a short pause she added, "Is that why you wanted to kill yourself?"

He looked at her strangely.

"Sorry, it's not my place to ask you that. Very sorry. Just ignore me. I tend to babble when I am nervous."

"You are nervous? Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No… well… maybe a little."

"I assure you that I will do you no harm," he said sincerely.

"Oh, that's not it. I am not afraid of you. I trust that you will get me home unharmed. I feel rather safe with you around." Buffy really meant what she had said and smiled her sweetest smile.

"Then what is making you uneasy?"

"Well, you will get me home and afterwards you will kill yourself. That thought is making me rather sad. I am not sure if I will be able to sleep tonight, when I think that you are out there alone, trying to take your life after you have been so nice to me," Buffy said miserably with downcast eyes.

"Believe me, I am not a nice person."

"You said you wouldn't harm me. Anybody else would have taken advantage of such a situation you found me in."

"I would never do something like that," Angel said aghast.

"See," Buffy said triumphantly, "I knew you were a good person."

After a while of walking in silence again, Buffy asked, "Do you want me to tell anybody?"

"Tell what?"

"That you have died."

"Oh… No, there really is nobody."

"Do you have anybody arranging your funeral?" Buffy asked. Of course she knew the answer that question, but she was trying to keep the conversation alive.

"There will be no funeral."

"How sad."

Again, there was silence. Buffy was wondering if he had been this taciturn before he got his soul back.

"Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?" Buffy batted her eyes innocently.

"Believe me, Miss, the world will be a better place without me."

"I can't believe something like that. If you had taken your life just a minute earlier, I might be dead by now too. Who knows how many people's lives you might save just by sticking around."

"I can never make up for my sins."

"You could try," Buffy suggested carefully. "That's all anybody can do."

"There really is no hope for me, Miss."

"I believe in you." Why was she saying this? She had only wanted to keep him from killing himself, and now she was going on and on about forgiveness and redemption. What was wrong with her? She wasn't his priest. She of all people had reason enough to never forgive him for anything. And he didn't even seem to want forgiveness or redemption.

They both kept silent. When they reached her guest house, Angel said, "I am sorry if I have caused you any pain. It was not my intention. It was unlucky that you had to witness that."

"I think it was rather a lucky incident, don't you?"

He didn't reply.

"Will you do me a favor?" Buffy asked sweetly.

"What would that be?"

"Well, I would sleep much better, if you would promise me to think everything over once more, before you kill yourself, I mean. Just another day."

Again, he didn't say anything. He simply looked at her, slightly puzzled. Why would a stranger like her - a beautiful young girl, she didn't look much older than eighteen or nineteen - care about such a dirty scoundrel like him?

"Just one tiny, single day," Buffy emphasized with big, innocent eyes.

"Fine," Angel said finally. What difference would one more day make? Probably none at all.

Buffy's face lit up. "Good. Thank you." And without another word she went quickly inside and closed the door behind her.

Angel looked baffled at the closed door.

Inside, Buffy was leaning against the door with her back. She had needed to get away from him. She was out of breath for no particular reason. She felt hot and cold at the same time. She felt good for having been able to save his life, at least for now. But she felt sick to her stomach for having sweet-talked the murderer of her sister, as if her sister had never died, as if she had forgotten about her murder already.

* * *

Angel made his way back to the stables. He had promised her to wait and he would keep that promise. Once in his life he wanted to do something right. It was just one day after all. It wouldn't make any difference anyway.

He slept and dreamed of the girl. It was the first peaceful dream he had had since he had gotten his soul back. It was nothing indecent. It was just warm, bright and peaceful. No victims were haunting him, no murderous scene was replaying before his inner eye, no children were screaming and begging for their lives. When he woke he actually felt better than he had in a long time. And he felt something, something that felt almost like… hope.

He wanted to see her again. He had never met anybody like her. She was sweet and innocent, compassionate and naïve, but at the same time courageous and fearless, and extremely beautiful. He needed to see her again, at least once more before he left this world for good. He knew where she stayed. But he had no idea how long she was in town for or anything else about her. He didn't even know her name. What if she had already left? A new urgency overcame him.

As soon as the sun set, he roamed the city in search for some clean clothes. His were terribly dirty and stank abominably. When he found some, he used his old clothes as a washrag and cleaned himself up as best as he could. Then he made his way towards the guest house. On the way there he came across a thrown out and dried bouquet of flowers. They looked rather nice in their dried state. Angel picked one flower out. He would give it to her and thank her for saving his life. He would tell her that she had changed his mind about wanting to die. He didn't want her to be sad because of him. He would tell her that he would simply go home and live on. It would be a lie, but in his opinion it was a justified lie. And it would be a good excuse to see her one more time.

Angel entered the pub part of the guest house.

TBC


	4. Something is Brewing

**Chapter 4 – Something is Brewing**

**Note:**

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Or whatever you might be celebrating!

Thanks for the encouraging reviews. This might be the least read of my stories, but the reader / review ratio for this story rocks!

I think there was a question, if Buffy had died her hair yet. Yes, she has. I only indicated that Willow had gotten the peroxide for her, but they would obviously use it, if it stood around. And of course, the curse will play a role and will be addressed, but it's a bit early for that yet.

* * *

The pub was rather crowded. Some people were having dinner, others were just there for the beer or something stronger.

Angel simply observed the customers for a while. But there was no sign of the girl. After a while, another pretty girl, dressed similarly, came downstairs and went over to the bar. She ordered something and waited. Maybe she was her travel companion. Even if not, they were the same age and might have gotten to know each other while staying at the same inn.

Angel went over to her. "Excuse me, Miss, you don't know me, but I am looking for someone."

Willow was shocked to see who was standing behind her. But she was in a public place with lots of people around. And he didn't seem that threatening to her.

"Oh, I am not from here. I won't be able to help you," she said quickly.

"Well, actually, I am looking for another guest staying here. But sadly I don't know her name. She is your age, so I thought you might have seen her or talked to her. She is about this tall," Angel indicated Buffy's height with his hand, "has blond hair and a beautiful smile."

"Um… and if I had seen her?" Willow asked, trying to hide how uneasy she was about being so close to him.

"I would really like to speak to her."

"I… I…"

"I tell you what. I'll be here for a while. If you happen to see her, just let her know I asked about her and where she can find me, if she wants to. Okay? That's all I ask."

"Okay, if I happen to see her, I will tell her."

"Thank you."

Willow's order, two bowls of soup came, and she quickly took the tray and went upstairs again.

Angel sat down at the bar and ordered a beer to avoid suspicion.

Only a short while later, Willow came downstairs again, heading straight for Angel. "I happened to see her. And she would like to come and see you, but she can't."

"She can't?" Angel asked doubtfully.

"She is ill."

"Ill? She was alright last night."

"I think she caught a cold last night."

It had been a rather cold and windy night. "Will she be okay?" Angel asked concerned.

"She is just very tired and has a slight fever."

"A fever?" Angel asked, getting a worried look on his face.

Willow nodded.

"Will you give her this from me?" Angel showed her the flower. "Maybe it cheers her up a bit."

"I will."

* * *

Willow went upstairs again. Buffy was lying in bed, the covers up to her nose.

"What did you do to him?" Willow asked.

"What do you mean?"

"He seems to be quite smitten with you. And he asked me to give you this." Willow showed her the flower.

Buffy smiled. She was exhausted and very tired. The flower was the highlight of her day.

"What did happen last night?" Willow asked.

"Nothing I haven't told you already. But at least he did as I asked and did not kill himself."

"Why do you care? He killed Dawn."

"He acts nothing like the monster the elders make him out to be. I still don't quite understand it, but it's like he is another person. And their arguments for punishing him were not really convincing. I want to know what and who exactly we are dealing with. And if it is just to spite the elders." Buffy started coughing.

"How about you try to get better before you try to go up against the elders?"

Buffy gave her a weak smile. She was simply too tired to answer.

"You haven't even touched your soup yet."

"Later."

Willow gave her a disapproving look. "Well, at least get some sleep then."

* * *

The next night, when Willow went downstairs, she saw Angel sitting at the bar again. She shortly considered if she should try avoiding him, but she was too curious to know why exactly he was here again.

Angel blamed himself that Buffy had gotten sick. They'd just stood around in the cold for so long because she had tried to talk him out of killing himself, because he had been so stubborn. He should have taken her home right away. He should have offered her his coat. He didn't even need one anyway, he was just wearing it to blend in better.

When Angel noticed Willow, he got up immediately and went over to her. "Is she better?"

"No, she's been getting worse actually."

At first, Angel had thought it might have been an excuse for Buffy to not see him. But Willow's worried face told him otherwise. "Has a doctor been here to see her?"

Willow was genuinely surprised by his concern for Buffy. "Yes, he gave her something, but so far nothing has changed. Besides, the guy was a complete jerk. Even I can do better than that." Willow could stop herself just in time from saying that the doctor had not half as much knowledge about herbs and healing than any gypsy in her clan. The guy really had been a joke of a doctor.

"Anything I can do?"

"No, but thanks for asking. Well, I gotta go."

* * *

A few hours later, Willow was just about to change the cool cloth on Buffy's forehead again, there was a knock at their door. Willow opened the door as quietly as she could as not to wake Buffy. To her surprise, the vampire was standing in the hallway.

"I… I got something for you, well, for…" he still didn't know her name, "for your friend." Angel held out a bowl filled with a steaming liquid. "It's a brew supposed to help with colds and fever."

Willow was reluctant to accept anything from him or invite him into their room. She knew very well that the room gave them protection from him. If she invited him in, he would not only know where they were staying but could come and go as he liked.

Angel noticed her reluctance. "It's just some herbs. My mother taught me how to do it. Well, actually, she taught my sister, but…. It's safe, really." Angel took a sip from the bowl. "I made it downstairs in the kitchen." Again, he held the bowl out to Willow.

Finally, she took it. "Thanks."

Willow was about to close the door when Angel said, "The kitchen is keeping the rest of the brew on their stove, so you can get more if you think it is helping her. I will be downstairs. If I can do anything, just let me know."

Willow considered if she should really give this to Buffy. She breathed in the steam from the hot liquid. She could detect nothing suspicious, and she was familiar with most poisonous substances. Some of the smells were familiar to her. And her gut told her to trust him. Why would he go to all this trouble to harm Buffy, if he had had the perfect chance to do so when he had brought her home? Willow decided she would try. Her remedies hadn't been effective so far and Buffy's fever was dangerously high.

* * *

Later that night, Willow went downstairs to get some more of the brew. The pub was quiet. One candle was still burning and Angel was sitting at that table. He looked expectantly at Willow.

"How is she?" he asked worriedly.

"It seems your brew helped. The fever is breaking. I am getting some more. What are you still doing here?"

"I told you I would be here in case you needed me."

"And the landlord let you stay?"

"I told him I was at your beck and call to get a doctor in case she would get worse. He seems to be quite fond of her, so he let me stay."

"Yeah, she tends to have that effect on people."

Angel smiled absentmindedly. "Yeah."

"Well, I'll get some more of the brew. And you can go home. I think she will be okay now."

"You sure?"

"Quite sure."

"Okay."

* * *

The next night, Angel was sitting at his usual spot at the bar, when Buffy made her way downstairs. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and still looked a bit pale and shaky.

"Hey."

"Hey, how are you?" Angel asked concerned. He was surprised that she was up at all so soon.

"Better."

"Come on, let's sit down." Angel led her to a table.

Buffy sat down. "Willow told me that you probably saved my life. Thank you."

"I'm not so sure about that. And maybe it wasn't even the brew that made you better. We don't know for sure. I'm just glad you are feeling better."

"Don't be so modest. Willow says my fever was dangerously high and your brew brought it down. I don't remember much of it. But she would never praise somebody else's mixture, if it wasn't deserved."

Angel grinned. "Yeah, she had no good word for that doctor. She was really angry. And she was very suspicious of my brew at first. She seems to know a great deal about herbs herself. Where did she learn so much about them?"

"Um… her grandmother taught her." As not to give him a chance to question her further about Willow's skills, she asked, "Where did you get your knowledge?"

"Well… the recipe is originally from my mother. She never really taught me though. She taught my little sister." Angel got a really sad expression on his face.

"And your sister taught you?"

"In a way, I guess. I was never a good son or a good brother. But when I had to watch her, the few times I actually did and didn't leave her on her own, she used to play with her dolls. She would pretend to mix all those brews our mother had taught her, all the time talking to herself or her dolls. Some things must have stuck."

"What was your sister's name?"

"Was?" Angel asked confused. "How would you know…?"

"Oh… um…" Buffy had assumed that since he was a vampire he had probably outlived his family. "You were getting so sad when you talked about her. I just assumed that she… I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, you are right. She is dead."

"I'm sorry."

Angel didn't say anything for quite a while, before he finally said, "Her name was Kathy."

"That's a nice name."

"I still don't know your name."

"Buffy."

"Nice to meet you, Buffy."

"You too."

Angel noticed that Buffy looked quite tired. "I think you should get back to bed."

"That actually sounds like a good idea," Buffy admitted. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"You are welcome."

Buffy got up but she got dizzy. Everything went black before her eyes and she started to sway. But before she could tumble to the floor, Angel caught her and swept her up in his arms. Buffy hadn't lost consciousness completely but her eyes were tightly closed and she was clutching Angel's shirt. She still had the feeling that everything was spinning.

"I got you," Angel whispered reassuringly into her ear and carried her upstairs.

Buffy felt safe enough in his arms to let the blackness finally claim her.

Angel knocked on the door with his foot. Willow opened it. When she saw Angel carrying Buffy, she realized she was in a dilemma. He couldn't come in without an invitation and she was reluctant to give it to him. But if he asked and she refused, he would get suspicious. "Come on in," Willow said and opened the door wide. Somehow they had to get Buffy back into bed and Willow couldn't carry her. "Is her fever back?"

Angel put her down on the bed and felt her forehead. "No, her temperature is fine."

Buffy opened her eyes. "I'm fine. I just got dizzy. Probably got up too quickly. Sorry to have given you a fright."

"I told you to stay in bed," Willow admonished while she was covering Buffy in blankets.

The landlord knocked on the still open door. "Is everything okay? Some of the guests said Buffy had a relapse."

"She just got out of bed too early," Willow said.

Buffy waved from the bed. "I'm fine. Don't worry. I got a bit dizzy, that's all."

"Can I get you anything? Some more soup maybe?" the landlord offered.

"No, thanks, I'm fine, really."

"Okay, well, if you two need anything, let me know. I'll be downstairs."

"Thanks."

When the landlord had left, Angel said, "Well, I'll let you get some rest then." He turned and headed for the door.

"Angel?"

He stopped and turned back around to look at Buffy. "Yeah?"

"Will you… um…"

"What is it?"

"Will you be… around?" Buffy told herself that if he decided to move on now Willow and her wouldn't be able to follow him and might loose him forever. So she should try to keep him close while she was recovering. But if she was completely honest with herself, there was more to her question than that.

"Don't have any other plans."

"Is that a yes?" Buffy asked unsure.

Angel nodded and smiled at her. "Yes."

TBC


	5. Hide and Seek

**Chapter 5 – Hide and Seek**

**Note:**

Thanks for the great feedback! It seems that most people who are reading this story are as enthusiastic about it as I am. I enjoy writing it immensely because the setting allows for more freedom than other stories. So, here's the next part. Enjoy!

* * *

"How could you?"

"I didn't do anything."

"How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"You are betraying me. You have forgotten me."

"I have not! I could never do that!"

"I never meant anything to you."

"That's not true!"

"You are glad to be rid of me."

"No!"

"I was just a burden that held you back and now you can finally do what you want and team up with that monster."

"No!"

"The monster that killed me."

"No!"

"Buffy, wake up!" Willow's voice cut through Buffy's dream. She was shaking Buffy slightly. "Wake up!"

"What… What's going?" Buffy asked confused, trying to throw off the haziness that was still lingering from her deep sleep.

"You had a nightmare."

"Nightmare?" Buffy thought back to the dream. What if it hadn't been a nightmare?

"What did you dream?"

"Dawn… she was talking to me."

"And?"

"She yelled at me. She accused me of forgetting her, of betraying her," Buffy said distressed.

"It was just a dream," Willow tried to reassure her.

"Maybe it wasn't."

"What do you mean?"

"What if it was a message?"

"From Dawn?" Willow asked doubtfully.

"Yes."

"Buffy… that's… I don't think so."

"It could be. Janna has never been able to teach me about my dreams."

"It was probably just a dream, nothing more."

Buffy didn't look convinced. "It was so real."

"Maybe that was just because of your recent fever. You are still not completely well again."

"Maybe."

"Try to get some more sleep. It's still early."

Willow went back to her own bed and tried to go back to sleep. But Buffy knew she wouldn't find any more sleep tonight. And it was only one or two more hours until sunrise. She got up and looked out of the window. The moon was still up and shining brightly. Had it really just been a dream? Was it her conscience speaking to her or was there more to Dawn's words? Buffy had to admit that she didn't hate Angel for killing her sister. She should have. But when he stood next to her, he didn't look like a cold-blooded murderer. His look was haunted and withdrawn. Even though Buffy knew with certainty that he had caused the death of her sister, she still had a hard time believing it. It didn't add up. The only explanation was that his soul really had had nothing to do with the murder. Buffy wondered how much Angel remembered of the murder. How aware was he of what had happened? How real was it for him? Was it more like a distant dream or part of his own memory? She wanted to ask him, wanted to find out more. But that was impossible. She couldn't reveal her true identity to him. Besides, she hadn't seen him for several days, despite his promise to stick around. Maybe he had already moved on and was far away by now.

"Is the dream still upsetting you?" Willow asked.

"No, you are probably right. It was just a dream."

"Then what's bothering you?"

"He said he would be around."

"Aaah."

"Aaah, what?"

"Nothing." Willow rolled over and pulled the blanket up to her neck.

"Maybe he got suspicious," Buffy said after a while.

Willow sighed. Sleep was obviously no longer an option. "Why would he get suspicious?"

"Because of your knowledge of herbs."

"That's not unique to gypsies. And even if he suspects that we are gypsies, what would that tell him?"

"And I blew it. I knew that his sister was dead."

"Knew?"

"Well, okay, it was a hunch that proved to be correct."

"See. You are overreacting."

"Maybe he killed himself."

"Buffy…" Willow groaned.

"He said he would be around. What other reason could there be for him to leave without another word?"

"Buffy, he probably just wants to give you time to get well again."

"You think?"

"Yes. But just in case, I think we should mention his suicide attempt in our next letter to the elders. Just to prepare them in case he does it after all. If we only deliver the ashes, they might assume it was you after all."

"So you do think he is still capable of killing himself?" Buffy said alarmed.

"I don't know, Buffy. I've hardly exchanged a dozen words with him. But, well, from what I have seen it would rather surprise me, if he did it."

"What makes you say that?"

"Buffy, the guy hung around the whole night just to find out if you were better."

"I just don't want him to kill himself."

"As to not disappoint the elders and deprive them of their vengeance?" Willow teased. "Because we both know how important that is to you."

"I simply don't believe he deserves it."

* * *

Angel had felt needed when Buffy had snuggled into his arms. He felt good about having been there, at the right moment, to catch her. But on the other hand, she wouldn't have been out of bed in the first place if it hadn't been for him. He wanted to see her again. But that was a bad idea. He shouldn't be around her. So far he had only gotten her sick and upset her when he had tried to kill himself. He was no use to anybody. He would only bring her misery. Why was he even pondering these things? Why did he care so much about her? He should simply move on and forget about her, for her sake. But he had promised her he'd stick around. And a promise was a promise. She'd be highly disappointed in him if he disappeared without a word. And the thought of being responsible for making her unhappy saddened him deeply.

* * *

Buffy and Willow were eating dinner at the pub, when Angel walked in.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I am glad to see you up and about again."

"I have been up and about for quite a while," Buffy said somewhat reproachfully.

"Oh. Well, I wasn't sure if… I just thought… I was…"

"Why don't you sit down and join us?" Willow said.

"I've already eaten."

"Well, you can just join us and keep us some company without having to eat," Willow pointed out.

"Oh, yeah. Sure."

"Or did you come here to meet someone else?" Buffy asked.

"No. I just wanted to see how you are doing."

"I'm fine."

"She's better," Willow corrected.

"Good. I'm glad. So what are you two doing here in town?" Angel asked.

"My cousin and I are traveling around. We visited another cousin and thought we might see something before we head back home," Buffy said.

"Where are you headed next?"

"We don't know yet. Where are you headed?"

"I don't know yet. Remember, I didn't have a plan for my life at all."

"Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, stupid question."

"Don't be sorry. You were just trying to be polite and make conversation."

"I think I'll go to bed early today," Willow said and stood up. She was absolutely superfluous for this conversation. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that," Angel said.

"I was awoken by a nightmare. After that, there was no sleep to be found anymore." Willow gave Buffy a teasing look. "Well, good night."

"Good night, Will."

Not knowing what else to say, Angel said, "I hope your cousin sleeps better tonight."

"Oh, I am sure she will, as long as I am not in the room."

Angel looked at her puzzled.

"I was the one who had the nightmare. I kept Willow awake."

"Oh, I see."

"Do you sometimes have nightmares?"

Angel nodded. "Lots of them." He didn't dare tell her that only dreaming of her kept the nightmares at bay.

"Makes sense."

"You never asked me why I tried to kill myself."

"Well, I guess that if you want to tell me, you would do so. Everybody is entitled to a bad day once in a while."

"Bad day?" Angel snorted. "More like a bad century."

"What, your family is cursed?" Buffy tried to make it sound like a joke.

"More like I cursed my whole family." Why was he even telling her that? This was dangerous territory. So he tried to change the topic slightly. "What about your family?"

"My family?"

"Yeah, do you have brothers or sisters?"

"Um… my family… they are all… dead."

"Oh, I'm sorry." This conversation was going from bad to worse. He was causing her pain yet again by reminding her of her dead family.

"It's okay. You couldn't have known." It wasn't really okay. She had enough trouble to keep her mind off Dawn and the accusations she had screamed at Buffy in her dream without Angel mentioning her family.

"I should go," Angel said suddenly.

"No, please don't, at least not because of me. That could have happened to anybody."

Angel was already standing and looked uncertainly at Buffy.

"Please, stay. I could really use the company. Willow deserves some quiet time. I can't go back up yet."

"Okay." He sat back down. "Then you better suggest a topic that's safe. I don't want to blunder again."

* * *

"How could you?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough."

"I just want to know-"

"You have your instructions."

"I need to know if he-"

"You know all you need to know. He killed your sister. He could have killed our whole clan. He has to suffer."

"He is a good person."

"He is a monster."

"No!"

"A monster that killed your sister. And you don't even care."

"No!"

"Buffy, wake up! Wake up!"

Buffy groaned and sat up, squinting her eyes. "What's going on?"

"You had that nightmare again."

"It's wasn't the same one. This time it was Constantin yelling at me."

"Oh. Does that mean your nightmares are getting better or worse?"

"Maybe I should ask for a replacement."

"I guess that means worse then," Willow said. "And why would you want to ask for a replacement?"

"How can I continue to follow him? I don't know how to do that anymore. And he has seen us, so we would have a valid excuse to ask for a replacement."

"Is that really what you want, Buffy?"

"No," she sighed. "Somebody else might not see that he isn't a monster anymore."

"You sure that's the only reason?"

Buffy groaned and let herself fall back into her pillows. There could be no other reason. If not to her clan, at least she had a duty to her sister. "He is the murderer of my sister. Why do I keep making excuses for him, Willow?" Buffy asked distressed.

"Is that a serious question?"

Buffy looked at her confused.

"Well," Willow said, "he is good looking, he is mysterious, he doesn't act like a murderer anymore and he might have saved your life."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you have a crush on him," Willow replied matter-of-factly.

"I have not!"

Willow smiled at her emphatically.

"I do not have a crush on a vampire!"

"Don't get angry at me for asking, but have you considered that this might be your way of opposing the clan elders?"

"What, by dating the vampire that killed my sister? Believe me, I would know better ways to defy the elders than falling in love with the murderer of my dead sister!" Buffy buried her head in her hands. "I just want to understand. I want to know who exactly killed my sister."

"You already know that, don't you?" Willow asked carefully. Buffy still seemed to be in denial about what was really going on. "You've made up your mind about that quite a while ago. And you don't have to justify yourself to me. Even I don't think that the person who sat in the pub all night to see if you were alright and the person who killed Dawn are one and the same. And I was very skeptical at the beginning. They somehow do share the same body, or did. But they couldn't be more different."

"Great, so what? I am still supposed to watch him and be an accomplice to killing the first person he develops feelings for."

"I think that person has already been determined."

"I know what you are getting at, Willow. But it won't work. I know what would happen, so it obviously won't. Besides, despite him being a vampire, he killed my sister, soul or no soul, intentionally or not. There is simply no way around that. Dawn died by his hands, whoever was in control of them. Forgiving him for what happened is one thing, but I don't think I could live with myself if I started something with him. Also, just because he helped me get better doesn't mean he likes me in that way. I am just the first nice person her came across since he got his soul back."

Willow gave her a look that said 'yeah, right'.

"So, we summarize: Even if he liked me and even if I could make my guilt about my sister shut up, it could never go anywhere, for several obvious and not so obvious reasons. So my choices are either to tell him about the whole extend of his curse and therefore doom me and whoever comes after me to follow him until the end of eternity or... well, see, there isn't even a second option."

"Buffy, don't overanalyze this. It's not like you. Just wait and see what happens."

* * *

Buffy and Willow were sitting in the pub and having dinner. Angel had joined them again. The conversation was going more smoothly this time, as each of them consciously avoided topics that could have potential to go awkward. The pub was especially crowded tonight. They were deep in talk when somebody approached their table.

"Excuse me, since the pub is so crowded and the tables are all taken, would you maybe allow me to eat my dinner at your table? I don't mean to intrude, but yours is the only one with a free chair."

"No, of course not. Please, sit down," Willow said.

"Oh, thank you. That is very kind of you. Oh, I am sorry. How rude of me not to introduce myself first. My name is Rupert Giles."

"Nice to meet you. This is Willow, Angel and my name is Buffy. And you made an excellent choice with that stew."

"Oh, did I?"

"Yeah," Buffy said and dug into her own bowl of stew.

"Are you staying at the guest house as well?" Willow asked.

"Yes, indeed. I just arrived today."

"You are not from around here, are you, Mr. Giles?" Angel asked. He had immediately noticed how conspicuously well-dressed the newcomer was.

"No, I am not. I am from England."

"Wow, you are a long way from home," Buffy said.

"Yes, yes indeed," he replied in between bites. "And you were right. This stew really is good. They do know how to cook in this part of the world."

"So you have seen a lot of the world?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Well, I've traveled around Europe quite a bit, Miss… Buffy, wasn't it?"

"Just call me Buffy."

"Oh, okay, if you insist."

"We are not very formal in this part of the world," Buffy said with a grin.

"I was just trying to be polite."

"We noticed you were polite from the fact that you asked if you could sit down instead of just grabbing a chair," Buffy said with a smirk.

"So what are you doing in this part of the world, Mr. Giles?" Willow asked.

"You can call me Rupert."

"Rupert?" Buffy tried out the name and scrunched up her nose. "Can I call you Giles? You may even call me Miss Buffy in return, if you like. On second thought, no, better not."

"Well, since you were all so nice and let me share your dinner table with you, how could I refuse you such a harmless request." He didn't really like the name but what harm could it do? And they seemed to be a delightful bunch.

"So, Giles, what brought you here all the way from England?" Angel asked.

"Well... um…," Giles cleared his throat. "You will probably think I am a little bit crazy, as I have had this conversation countless of times during my travels and that is the usual reaction, but I am chasing vampires."

Willow choked on her soup and Buffy forgot about her spoonful of stew in midair, staring agape at their new dinner companion. Angel was glad that he wasn't eating at all as he was sure he would have followed Willow's fate.

Giles shook his head sadly. "See, I told you you'd think me crazy."

"Chasing… vampires?" Buffy asked carefully, slowly lowering her spoon back to the bowl and exchanging a quick glance with Willow.

"Well, not in the literal sense, of course, not the put-a-stake-through-their-heart kind of hunting. I am rather hunting down information on vampires. And not just on vampires, on any creatures of the night, like ghosts, werewolves or witches or other creatures thought to be purely myth. There usually is some truth in most tales."

They were all quiet for a while, not knowing what to say, until Angel asked, "So, you actually believe these things exist?"

"Yes, of course."

"Have you ever seen one?" Buffy asked.

"No, not yet. They are of course careful to not be recognized as such."

"So, what exactly are you looking for? Where do your get your information from if not from the creatures themselves?" Willow asked.

"Old books, accounts and stories. And I am also always looking for clues to where one could find real vampires and such and how to recognize them."

"And what would you do if you actually found one real life sample?" Angel asked.

"Um… well… I… I… that is a good question."

"I mean, from all the legends, vampires are blood sucking fiends who would have no qualms about killing you," Angel pointed out.

"Um… well… I have researched how to fend them off as well."

"Maybe the accounts are not correct. Maybe not all vampires are killers," Buffy pointed out.

"Well, you should better be prepared," Angel said.

"Um… yes, good point," Giles said. "I will obtain a supply of holy water before I travel on. Thank you for pointing out the error in my method."

"So, how would one recognize a vampire?" Angel asked.

"Well, according to most legends, anybody could be a vampire. They look like normal people. But they cannot walk in the sunlight. They don't like holy water. Sadly, so far I have failed to find out if garlic is of any use as a weapon against them. Those sources were all unreliable. And I still don't see the connection of garlic and other objects that can fight off vampires. Crosses do work quite well though, especially with younger vampires."

"Can they transform into bats?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I am not sure on that one, but personally I believe that that is actually made-up."

"What will you do with all that information?" Willow asked.

"I want to write a book, probably something like an encyclopedia."

"Where are you headed next?" Angel asked.

"Well, I've heard rumors that gypsies are rather knowledgeable about vampires. I will try to find some further East and see if they are willing to talk to me."

"Um… I've heard they are not to be trifled with," Buffy said. "They like to be amongst themselves."

"That's what I've heard too," Angel said.

"They are very suspicious towards outsiders," Willow added.

"Well, I just want to talk to them, maybe exchange some of my knowledge for theirs."

"The rumors you heard were probably just exaggerated stories," Buffy added.

"Well, as I mentioned before, there is usually some truth to even the most outrageous stories."

"What could they know that isn't already written down?"

"Well, as you pointed out, they are rather secretive and that's why I believe their knowledge might be a great new resource compared to what is already written about them. They have very strong oral traditions." Giles looked at Buffy, Willow and Angel curiously. "Has anybody of you ever encountered gypsies?"

"No!" They all answered simultaneously.

"Oh… pity… I thought since you seemed to know so much about them…"

"Well, in this part of the world, everybody knows at least something about them," Willow said. "But maybe you want to check out the library here in town. It's really good. I bet you will find some interesting books worth looking into."

"Oh, really? A library? That might be worth staying in town for a while longer."

"I am sure you will like it," Willow said, wanting to encourage him to stay in town instead of looking for gypsies. "It's a really big library. They have a really good section on occult books."

"Occult books?" Giles got bright eyes. "Are you interested in those things as well?"

"Me? Oh, no!" Willow denied quickly. "Um… I just came across the section when I was looking for… the history section. So, you see how big the library is, you can get lost there."

"Oh my, that does sound promising. But I guess they are already closed for tonight, right?"

Willow and Giles talked about books for quite a while longer and were so absorbed in their discussion that they didn't realized that Buffy was playing with her spoon and Angel was simply watching Buffy. Buffy wasn't really that interested in books and Angel was afraid to let something slip or give Giles a clue about his real identity. He couldn't be sure how knowledgeable the British man really was about vampires.

When Angel noticed how bored Buffy looked, he asked. "Hey, you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure, just let me get my coat."

TBC


	6. A Walk through the Night

**Chapter 6 – A Walk through the Night **

After walking for a while in silence, Angel asked, "Are you warm enough?"

"Yes."

"Good. I don't want you to get sick again."

"That Rupert Giles is an interesting character, don't you think?" Buffy asked.

"He definitely is. But I think he should be more careful."

"So you believe what he said?"

"Um… no, of course not. But in order to get his information, he's probably willing to talk to some very unscrupulous people."

"Well, he's made it so far and he's still in one piece," Buffy pointed out.

"That's true. But one day his luck might run out."

"Maybe he is more resourceful than you give him credit for. He seems quite knowledgeable."

"He probably is, in certain areas. But he is also way too polite."

"Too polite? I didn't know one could be too polite," Buffy said with a grin.

"Yes, just as people can be too caring and compassionate. There aren't many of those either. But I am looking at one right now. And I think you should be more careful too."

"Me?" Buffy asked surprised.

"Going out alone after dark and ending up in a deserted alley isn't exactly a good idea."

"I told you I got lost."

"That doesn't change the fact that you did go out alone at night."

"I do know how to look out for myself," Buffy said, getting slightly angry. She'd had to put up with Riley's machismo long enough. "I had to grow up fast. After our parents died, I had to take care of my sister and-" Damn, she hadn't meant to tell him anything about her sister. Buffy held her breath and hoped Angel would simply ignore what she had just said.

Buffy had told him that her whole family was dead. But Angel didn't dare ask what had happened to her sister. He didn't want to talk about his sister, so he wouldn't ask about hers. If she wanted to talk about it, she would tell him. He noticed how uncomfortable Buffy had gotten. So he decided to change the topic. "Have you had time to see any of the sights?"

"This city has sights?" Buffy asked.

"Well, not really. But some of the churches are really beautiful."

"Yeah, the one at the market place is quite impressive."

"That one's just big. Not bad, but it tries to overwhelm you with its size. I prefer the smaller ones."

Buffy had seen many churches while traveling the country with the clan, but she had never been inside one. Angel probably assumed her to be Christian. But gypsies had their own beliefs and many had been enslaved because they had refused to convert to the Christian faith.

Angel suddenly changed direction. "Come on. I'll show you a really nice one."

Buffy had seen him admire many churches while following him through the night. She was pretty sure which one he was heading for. There was a small church near the stables where he spent his days. He'd stopped there several times and had even gone inside on occasion. She had often wondered why a vampire would be interested in religion and particularly in churches, since a church must resemble something like a torture chamber for a vampire with all those crosses and holy water.

"The paintings on the inside are magnificent," Angel explained passionately. "The smaller churches don't have so much money, so they can't show off with gold and other pomp. They have to come up with other things to decorate them."

Maybe he wasn't interested in the religion at all. Maybe he was just interested in the art and architecture. "You like art?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, I do." Suddenly he stopped and looked at her. His face fell. "You don't," he said disappointedly. "I should have realized. You don't like books, so why should you like art?"

"What makes you think I don't like books?"

"You looked so bored when Willow and Giles talked."

"Well, I don't like those kind of books, you know, history books, books with many little, tiny details. I like… other books." She didn't want him to think she was stupid.

"Hey, it's okay. Nobody said you have to like books. I'm sorry, I simply assumed… I should have asked."

"It's okay. You can show me anyway. I am sure I'll like it."

"We don't have to. We can go somewhere else."

"No, really, I'd like to…" Buffy trailed off.

"You'd like what?" Angel asked. Then he noticed what Buffy was staring at. It was the large tree where he had tried to take his life. "Oh, I didn't realize we would come through here," he said apologetically.

"It's okay. I mean, since you don't plan to do that again… right?"

Angel smiled at her. "Certainly not in your company."

"That's not funny," Buffy said upset.

"Sorry, that wasn't meant to be funny. It was meant to be a compliment. But you are right. It wasn't very tasteful. I am a bit out of practice, with compliments, I mean."

"Oh." Somehow hearing that made Buffy happy.

Angel stared at Buffy with admiration. "You were amazing."

"What?" Buffy asked confused, not knowing what he was referring to.

"If anyone else had found me like that they would have run away screaming and left me to my fate. But you didn't. You cared even though you didn't know me. You are amazing."

Buffy looked down to avoid his look. "I am sure anybody else would have reacted the same way." She didn't feel she deserved his praise since she had been following him. But her reaction to his suicide attempt hadn't been a calculated part of her duty. It had been a reflex. She hadn't realized what she had been doing until she had stood by his side.

"Oh, no, most people only mind their own business. They are either ignorant of what is going on around them or afraid to get their hands dirty. I've never met anyone like you." Her attitude was fearless, her character was intriguing, she was very outspoken and didn't seem to be afraid of anything. It was refreshing.

"You must have met a lot of bad people to come to that conclusion," Buffy said.

"No, you are special. Don't underestimate yourself." Suddenly Angel had a troubling thought. "How old are you?"

"What?"

"How old are you?"

"That's not very polite to ask," Buffy admonished him teasingly.

"I know. And I am sorry. Still, would you please tell me your age?"

"Why?"

"Well, you seem so mature and experienced in life. Hardly anyone would dare travel without a male companion. But you look still very young," he said. And although that was true, it wasn't the reason why Angel wanted to know her age. He wanted to know because she possessed qualities that would probably make her an outstanding Slayer.

"I am nineteen."

"I wouldn't have guessed," Angel said. Inwardly he sighed relieved. Nineteen. Slayers were usually called at a younger age.

Buffy grinned. "That's the only sensible thing for you to say now."

"I don't care how old you are."

"Right," Buffy said doubtfully. "Then why ask at all?"

"I was just curious."

"Curious?"

"Yes, curious. I just want to know more about you."

"You know quite a lot about me already. More than I know about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Um…" His question took Buffy by surprise. She hadn't expected him to offer anything like that. She had a carte blanche to ask whatever she wanted. If he would answer her truthfully was another question though.

"Ask," Angel said.

"Well… I… um…"

Angel grinned. "What, I got you speechless? I try to kill myself and you keep on babbling as if nothing had happened. You are almost too sick to get out of bed and still you manage to have a chat with me. But when you demand to know more about me and I oblige, you can't think of anything better than 'um'?" Angel teased.

Buffy blushed deeply. Angel found her simply adorable. She was such a sweet girl, yet intriguing and unpredictable in a very charming way.

"I… I…" Buffy stammered and couldn't get out another word when she saw how intensely Angel was staring at her. His gaze made her shiver.

"Are you cold?" Angel asked concerned.

"No," she responded in a whisper.

Her cheeks were slightly red from the cold. Tenderly, Angel touched her face. She radiated so much heat it was intoxicating. Then his eyes wandered from her cheeks to her lips. They were slightly open and Angel was hypnotized by them.

Buffy just stood still, extremely still. If her life had depended on it, she wasn't sure she could have moved. Her desire to be kissed by him equaled her concern over where this could lead, namely nowhere, and that there were about a dozen reasons why she shouldn't be kissing him.

Angel knew this could go nowhere. He was a vampire and she was human. But he was drawn to her like a moth to the light. And he was starving for that light, for her warmth, for her kindness and for her humanity. He hadn't felt so close to a human for ages, if ever. As a vampire - a ruthless vampire – he had been as close to humans as one can get, feeding on them, sucking the life out of them. But that had been a cold, calculated and unfeeling closeness. This was like magnetism. He simply couldn't resist. He leaned towards Buffy until his lips made contact with her mouth.

After a second of not knowing what to do, Buffy instinctively responded to his kiss. She opened her mouth further and allowed him entrance. The feelings his kiss evoked in her were new and exciting, but at the same time they felt like a missing part of her existence. Buffy started to forget why she shouldn't be kissing him. It wasn't important anymore. It couldn't be important, not when something felt so good, so wonderful.

Angel delved deeper into her mouth. He couldn't get enough of her warmth, of her taste, of her willingness. Slowly, unconsciously, Angel moved them towards the tree. He pressed Buffy with her back against it. A moan escaped Buffy's throat. When her breathing became irregular Angel reminded himself that she needed air and broke the kiss. But he remained close, touching her forehead with his and smiled at her. Buffy returned the smile.

"Hey, mate, won't you share your conquest with us?"

Angel turned around and saw four men standing there. "You better leave us alone," Angel said in a threatening tone.

"Aw, come on. She's so pretty and looks so willing," one of them slurred. They were obviously drunk.

Buffy blushed furiously.

"You better stop talking like that or I will make you stop," Angel said calmly. "And you don't want that, believe me."

"Is that a threat, mate?"

"You can be damn sure it is."

"And how would you do that? You against the four of us? I don't think so."

Angel grabbed Buffy's hand tightly and pulled her along, hoping he could avoid a fight. But the drunks followed them.

"Now, matey, come on, don't be like this. I bet she wouldn't mind having all five of us. We'll be pretty nice to her. Won't we, lads? She'll have her fun, too."

Suddenly one guy grabbed Angel from behind and wanted to hit him, but Angel had expected something like that and ducked easily. He threw the guy against a wall, which knocked him out cold. The second one could get in a hit, but it hardly had any effect on Angel. He followed the fate of the first guy and hit the wall as well. The third guy was a bit more careful and seemed to actually know something about boxing, being a lot quicker and more agile than the two other guys and actually got some hits in. While Angel was distracted by him, the fourth guy hit him over the head with a stone. Angel roared in anger and automatically changed into his demon face. He whirled around and hit the third guy hard enough to knock him out as well. Then he turned towards the boxer. One look at Angel's face and the guy was running down the alley as fast as he could.

Angel turned to see if Buffy was alright, forgetting that he was still wearing his demon face. Buffy looked a bit scared at first. She hadn't seen him with that face for quite a while. Angel quickly realized what she was staring at. He expected her to freak out and scream any second. But Buffy did no such thing.

"Thanks," she said finally and smiled at him. "Are you okay? Let me have a look at your head."

Angel was dumbstruck. That was definitely not what he had expected. Changing back to his human face he said, "I'm fine. I should take you back." Angel started to walk away from the three guys lying unconsciously on the ground, but Buffy didn't move. "Come on, we should get out of here before they wake up."

Buffy followed him. They walked in silence for a while. Angel kept his distance, walking not nearly as close to her as he had done before. He didn't look at her either. Buffy was confused. She tried to touch his hand, but he pulled away and increased the distance between them. Having had enough of his antics, she said calmly, "I know what you are."

Angel stopped and finally looked at her.

Buffy went on, "I've known for a long time."

"How long?"

"Since the beginning."

"Since that night when I tried to…?"

"Well, actually, even before that," Buffy confessed. It was time to fess up.

"What?"

"It's okay."

"No, it's not okay!" Angel yelled. "I am a monster! How can you be so calm about this? Why did you never say anything?"

"You are not a monster!"

"I've done horrible things. Things you can't even imagine. If you knew, you would have never tried to save my life back then. If I told you…" Angel trailed off. He wanted her to understand what a bad person he was, but he wouldn't burden her with accounts of his crimes.

"I know," Buffy said calmly.

Angel shook his head and said in a pained voice, "You can't know. I've killed so many people, in horrible ways."

"I do know."

"You don't!" he yelled at her. "Someone like you could never even imagine…" In a whisper he added, "The last one was almost still a child."

"I know. She was my sister."

Angel just looked at her in utter shock and disbelief.

"You killed my sister," Buffy said again. A single tear escaped her eyes.

"What?" Angel was sure he had misheard.

"You killed my sister."

Angel's mind wasn't able to make sense of what Buffy had said.

"I had a younger sister. Her name was Dawn. She was your last victim before my clan, the Kalderash, punished you with your soul."

Angel still wasn't sure if he should believe her. But why would she say something like that if it wasn't true? "Then why did you stop me from killing myself? Oh, I get it. You want to do it yourself. Go right ahead. Do it."

"That's not why I am here."

"Then what do you want? What was this entire charade for?"

"It wasn't a charade. At first, yes, I pretended to be lost, so you wouldn't kill yourself."

"I don't understand. What do you want from me?"

"I… I don't want anything from you. I was sent after you," Buffy admitted.

"Sent? By whom?"

"My clan."

"Why?"

"It's complicated."

"Fine, then don't tell me," Angel said, not believing one word. He didn't know what to believe, but nothing made sense anymore.

"That's not a stupid excuse!" Buffy yelled, letting some of her anger show for the first time. "It is complicated. My clan has a very twisted way of executing their vengeance."

"They gave me back my soul, pretty straight forward and effective, if you ask me."

Buffy sadly shook her head. "The greater punishment is still waiting for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Their revenge… our revenge is not over yet, far from it. Gypsies can be patient, if the outcome justifies it."

"What are you talking about?" Angel asked irritated.

"There is a second part to your curse."

"A second part? Really? What could be worse than remembering countless, horrible murders you committed and having a conscience? I can't imagine anything worse than that. Not only do they follow you every waking minute, they also appear in your dreams. Nothing you gypsies could do to me could top that."

"Killing a gypsy doesn't make you an expert in gypsy vengeance!" His arrogance was starting to annoy Buffy.

"Then please, enlighten me."

Buffy had to take a deep breath to keep her temper in check. "Their revenge is only complete when you feel what we felt, when you lose somebody you love, when you kill that somebody by your own hands."

"I already did that. The curse has no time restrictions, you know. I remember every person I killed from the day I was turned. And since I was given back my soul, they visit me every single time I close my eyes."

"That's what I thought," Buffy said quietly. "You did kill people you knew, didn't you?"

Angel just nodded.

"Still, the second part of the curse is already in place and it is meant for someone you haven't killed yet."

"I don't understand."

"Your soul is not permanent."

"What?" Angel asked aghast. "I could lose it again?"

"Yes, but only if you… well… if you…" Buffy started to blush. "Well, should you meet someone, a girl, and really like her… well, fall in love with her and… um… you know…"

"No, I don't know," Angel said confused.

"If you have one perfect moment of happiness while… being intimate with her, you will lose your soul again and…"

Understanding appeared on Angel's face. "And kill her," he finished for her.

"Yes."

"That plan is slightly flawed, because the demon in me won't care one bit."

"That's what I am here for," Buffy admitted regretfully. "Once that happens, once it is foreseeable that the curse might be broken, I am to inform the clan so that the curse can be performed anew. But this time it will be permanent."

Up to this day, Angel had felt truly guilty about the pain his actions had caused the gypsies. But they themselves were cruel beyond belief. They were willing to sacrifice an innocent. And they hadn't the excuse of harboring a demon inside them. Many demons would be green with envy over this truly vicious plan. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't want anybody else to die. I don't want that blood on my hands. I know what it feels like to lose a loved one. I don't want anybody else to have to feel that kind of pain, neither her family, nor her friends, not even you. Besides, it wasn't really you who did all that."

"It was me. It was my body, my hands, my…" He couldn't finish that sentence. "I am a monster. And I don't deserve mercy."

"If that was really you, why would you suddenly feel sorry for what you did?"

"I don't understand."

"You feel sorry now, but not when you did it. Don't you see? That only makes sense when there are two different people involved. The person who killed all those people could only do so because he didn't feel any guilt. You feel guilty and could never kill a person."

"I could kill a person. I almost killed those guys."

"Because you tried to protect me. The demon that inhabited your body before would have probably killed me instead or joined them in what they wanted to do to me. Nobody could be more different than you and the demon that inhabited your body before you regained your soul. Believe me, I know, I've watched you for the last few weeks."

"But somebody _has_ to pay for those cruelties!"

"Now you sound exactly like the elders of my clan!" Buffy said angrily. "You are equals when it comes to stubbornness!"

"You should leave."

"What?" Buffy couldn't believe her ears.

"Go away!"

"Did you just say-?"

"Go away! Leave!"

"You are telling me to leave?" Buffy asked incredulously. She was the one who should have sent him away, not the other way around.

"I am a monster. You shouldn't be around me!"

"What, now that you know I know, you can't deal with it, but before it was okay?" Buffy asked in disbelief.

Angel didn't answer. He didn't understand it himself.

"Fine!" Buffy threw up her hands. "Have it your way!" She left.

Angel leaned against the wall of a house and sank down to the ground. He buried his head in his hands. This evening had started out so promising. For the first time in weeks he had felt alive again, and even more important, worthy of living. But then it had all gone to hell. He shouldn't have been surprised. What did he expect? A new chance? With someone like Buffy? How foolish to believe in such a fantasy for even one second. Suddenly something occurred to him. He had sent Buffy back to the guesthouse on her own. Hadn't he just told her how dangerous it was to go outside alone after dark? Had she made it back alright? The more he thought about it the more worried he got. Angel got up and hurried towards the guesthouse. He had to check on her. And he had to tell her something, something very important.

TBC


	7. One Step at a Time

**Chapter 7 - One Step at a Time**

**Note:**

_I can't believe I haven't updated this story for four months. I am appalled. That's all there is to say. Except, I hope you guys are still with me. _

* * *

Angel rushed into the pub. Willow and Giles were still sitting at the same table as before and talking. But Buffy was nowhere to be seen. "Did Buffy come back here?" he asked them.

Willow was reluctant to answer. Buffy had stormed into the pub and up the stairs without a word. It was obvious that she had been furious. And Angel was the most likely culprit.

"Did she get back alright?" Angel asked again. "Please, I need to know she is okay. We came across some drunk guys. Please, I need to know she made it back alright. Otherwise, we have to go and look for her."

"She is upstairs," Willow said. "She's fine."

Angel sighed relieved. "I need to talk to her." Without another word, he walked towards the stairs.

When Angel was out of sight, Giles said, "Ah, young love, so energetic and passionate."

* * *

Angel knocked at the door. He knocked a second time.

Buffy was lying on her bed. She knew who was at the door. Willow wouldn't have knocked. Frustrated with Angel's stubbornness, Buffy had stormed upstairs and thrown herself on the bed and not moved since, except to pummel her pillow once in a while. "Unless you want to apologize you can get lost for all I care," she yelled.

Angel opened the door but didn't enter. "I do want to apologize. But not for… well, for that too, but I actually came to tell you something else."

Buffy sat up and faced him. "If you came here to tell me you thought of any more reasons why I should stay away from you, I am not interested."

Angel stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to proceed.

"What did you want to tell me?" Buffy asked, preparing herself for a repeat performance of what had happened earlier.

Angel looked down at the small figure sitting on the bed. "Now that you know the truth… well, you've known the truth for quite a while, but… well, what I am trying to say is… I am sorry I killed your sister. I know it won't bring her back. I know it won't make it better. I just… I needed to tell you. I am so sorry."

"Oh… thanks," Buffy said. She had not expected this. It caught her off guard and she couldn't suppress the tears that were forming. She blinked her eyes rapidly, not wanting Angel to notice. But she needn't have worried. He was staring at the floor, not able to meet her eyes.

"Well… um… I should go."

"No! Stay, please," Buffy said.

Angel looked at her and her eyes told him that she really meant it. What astonished him even more was that instead of hatred, he only saw pity in her eyes. "How can you not hate me for what I did?" Angel asked.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. She had asked herself that many times. "I don't know. I know I should hate you. Even my dreams tell me I should."

"Are those the nightmares that you mentioned before?"

Buffy nodded.

"You should listen to them."

"What?"

"I will only bring you pain and misery. I have never brought anybody anything else, not even when I was human."

"Don't you see that this soul is your chance to change? Why throw that away? Why not at least try? You've hardly been back for a few weeks and you are ready to throw away your whole future."

"Back? I am not back. I might have my soul back, but I was never like this. I am still a vampire. I have no future."

"You don't strike me as a coward," Buffy said dryly.

That struck a cord with Angel. "I am not a coward. I am trying to do the right thing."

"By throwing away the chance you were given."

"This wasn't meant as a chance. This is my punishment."

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean you can't make it into something else. Do you always take things lying down? Don't you see the potential your curse has? A vampire with a soul. As far as we know, there's never been somebody like you. You can write vampire history."

Angel looked at her as if she was crazy.

Buffy saw his confused look. "What? What did I say?"

Angel just shook his head. "I've never met someone as stubborn as you."

"Ever looked in a mirror?" Buffy teased.

Angel got a sad look on his face. Then, without any prior warning, he grabbed Buffy, dragged her off the bed and over to the corner of the room. He held on to her shoulders tightly and made her face the mirror that was hanging there. At the same time, he pulled her back against his chest so that she could clearly feel him. Maybe this would make her see reason.

"That's amazing," Buffy said. She knew that vampires didn't have a reflection, but actually seeing – or rather not seeing – it was simply fascinating.

"Amazing?" Angel asked incredulously. Was she crazy?

Without seeing his face, Buffy could well imagine the look on his face. "It's just a mirror," she said tenderly and turned around in his arms. "I sometimes wish there wasn't one in the mornings," she tried to make light of the situation.

"How can you…" Angel was at a loss for words. Didn't she want to understand?

"Why do you think it's important that I can or can't see you in a mirror? _I_ can see you. Isn't that the important part?" Why wouldn't he understand that she didn't care what he was? She gently laid her hand against his cheek. She could see that he was torn between running from her and staying. When he turned his head to break loose from her touch, she placed her other hand against his face, trapping him.

"It's not normal."

"What is normal? Did you know that in my clan, I am considered an oddity?"

Angel looked at her confused.

"I have the wrong hair color. I used to dye it dark for years. My mother was blonde and so was I. But the kids kept teasing me about it, calling me names, calling me ugly. I've only gone back to my natural hair color a few weeks ago, after I left the clan to follow you."

"You are everything but ugly," Angel said.

Buffy smiled. "Thanks, but the point I was trying to make is that it doesn't matter what you or I look like. I mean… um… not that I think you aren't good looking, because you are… um… I am getting off topic here. It matters what's inside." Buffy removed one of her hands from his face and placed it on his chest.

"I agree with you on that," Angel said.

Buffy released a small sigh of relief.

Angel went on, "It's not just appearances. And as long as I don't look in a mirror, I look like a normal human being. But I am far from human. I am a vampire." He grabbed her hand that was lying on his chest and pressed it more tightly against it. "And there is no heartbeat there. Because it's dead, like the rest of me."

Buffy should have been angry with him for being so stubborn, but she only felt pity and frustration. Out of her wits, but not willing to give up yet, she let her forehead rest against his chest. "I know all that. And I don't care. Because I know that you are more than just a vampire. You are a good person."

"I am not."

Buffy raised her head again and looked at him. "How do you know?"

"What?"

"How do you know? You haven't really tried yet. You seem to be much more comfortable in this I-am-bad-and-I-can't-change-that-role. But what I have seen so far makes me believe you would make a very good person."

"Stop it!" He broke away from her touch and walked over to the window, looking outside but not really seeing anything. He didn't know what to do. When he had still been unaware that Buffy knew the truth about him being a vampire, he had been able to pretend he was normal. She had made him forget what he was. She had made him feel normal. She had never treated him like anything else but a human being. She hadn't flinched from his touch. She hadn't been guarded at all. But now that he knew the truth, he couldn't keep up the lies to himself anymore. The illusion had simply disappeared. It was as if his eyes had been opened anew to what he was. Knowing she knew made it real once more. Before, he had been able to hide from himself and live a lie, a lie he found preferable to what he really was.

Angel could feel and hear Buffy approaching slowly. He could hear her cautious steps. He could hear her heartbeat getting louder until he could finally even feel the warmth coming off her body. And it was so damn hard to resist that, to resist her, knowing she gave it willingly, knowing that she wasn't afraid of him.

Buffy was about to touch his back, but changed her mind at the last minute, afraid to make him run once more and this time out the door. So she simply waited.

"You made me forget what I am," Angel said finally, still facing the window.

"I won't treat you differently now. I didn't do that because I was told to. I was told to never approach you. I was told to only watch you from a distance."

"It was an illusion anyway. I clung to a lie. I let myself believe that my soul would make a difference, that with a soul I could start over again, at least some day. But I still lust for blood. I still can't walk outside during the day. I still can kill without hardly lifting a finger. And everything I ever did haunts me day and night. I despise what I am. It's almost unbearable to live with it. And now that you know what I am… know what I did... Nobody but me should have to bear that."

"I agree that it's not easy. But it gets easier with each day, with each day I know you."

"Don't say that!"

"Why not? Why do you want me to hate you? Would that make it easier for you?"

"Maybe."

"But I don't hate you."

"So you say. But it doesn't make sense."

"Not everything in this world makes sense." Buffy could think of a several things that didn't make sense to her. One was the person standing right in front of her and the feelings she was experiencing whenever she was close to him, or away from him, the location didn't really matter. "Not everything is as straight forward as you would like it to be."

Not knowing what else to do anymore to convince her that he was bad for her, Angel grabbed her hard by the shoulders and yelled at her, "I killed your sister! It doesn't get more straight forward than that."

"That wasn't you," Buffy said, imploring him with her eyes to understand.

"I bet that's not what your dreams tell you. I killed your sister in cold blood, without a second thought."

"That wasn't you," she said again. But the hope of getting through to him was fading slowly.

"You only want to believe that."

"And you only want to wallow in your self-pity. But that won't bring her back either. Nothing will."

"Exactly," Angel said dejectedly and let go of her.

"You can only go forward now," Buffy said. "We can do that together."

"No, we can't."

"You know, for someone who has it all figured out you are giving me rather mixed signals."

"I'm sorry. I… I wish… I really…"

"Don't just wish or dream. Do something."

"Everything I start ends in disaster and so will this."

"This? Will you at least admit that there is something between us?"

"It is. But it has to stop."

"Just because you know now that I know what you are? That's stupid. Should I have kept on lying to you?"

"No, you should have never approached me. You should have listened to your clan. You should have stayed away from me."

"It's too late for that now!"

"It's not too late to avert another disaster."

"Disaster? What disaster? What you gonna do? Run from your own shadow from now on?"

"Buffy, please try to understand…"

"Understand what? That you simply can't deal with this? That you are not even willing to try?"

"That I can't risk hurting you."

"I can take care of myself. I know what I am getting myself into."

"I don't even know what I have gotten myself into, what this soul really means."

Buffy was more than frustrated by now. They were going in circles. She was going to try one more time. "Let's find out," she said softly. "Together."

"I can't…"

"So that's it?"

"Yes. It can't be any other way. Go back to your clan. Tell them you lost me or whatever you think fits best."

"You have no right to tell me what to do! I don't want to go back to my clan."

"You'll be safe there."

"What do you care? You only care about yourself. And you have not the slightest idea what going back to my clan would mean for me. So stop pretending you care."

"You are all I care about at the moment."

"You used me to feel better. As long as I could make you forget, I was good enough for you. And now I've become useless. You don't care about me at all."

"Buffy, that's not true. I almost killed those guys even though I swore to myself that I would never hurt a human being again. But the thought of you getting hurt surpassed everything else. I would have gladly taken on another sin than allowing anything to happen to you."

"Then why do you want to leave?"

"Because now I am the most likely person that will hurt you next."

"So you simply gonna run away? Don't you think that won't hurt me? I know pain. I've been hurt a lot in my life. When I said my family is dead that wasn't a lie. I haven't only lost my sister, I have lost my parents as well. And now I am gonna lose you."

"You hardly know me. You shouldn't care about me at all."

"I know you better than you think. And the thought of never seeing you again is unbearable."

"You might think you have forgiven me. But your sister will always be between us."

"My sister is dead. And staying away from you won't bring her back."

"How do you think I feel looking into the face of my last victim's sister?"

"See, again it's only about you. Fine, you think you can't deal with it? You want to run away from it? You think that's gonna make it better? Then leave."

"Buffy, I just think you don't know what you are getting yourself into."

"You are right. Maybe I don't have the slightest idea what I am getting myself into. I have no idea where this is going. But I want to find out."

"Buffy, I drink blood. I can't go out during the day. I-"

"I know all that! I have watched you for weeks. I've slept during the day and followed you during the night. I've seen you feed. I've seen how careful you were. You never hurt anybody. I've witnessed your nightmares."

* * *

Willow and Giles were still sitting downstairs, but Willow was getting increasingly restless.

"Is everything alright?" Giles asked when she didn't respond to his question.

"Excuse me for a moment. I think I should see if they are okay."

"Sure. Um… do you think you might need some help? He seemed rather agitated when he stormed in here. Does he tend to be… violent?"

"I don't think so. But you never know. You don't happen to have a stake on you, do you?"

"A stake?" Giles asked confused.

"Never mind."

* * *

Willow went upstairs. She put her ear against the door and at first she heard nothing. But when she was about to turn around and go back downstairs, she heard Buffy yelling at somebody, most likely Angel. Willow quickly rushed inside. Angel and Buffy were standing in opposite corners of the room. Buffy was glaring angrily at Angel, while he looked weary and dejected. "Is everything okay?" Willow asked.

"Yes," Angel said.

"No!" Buffy yelled.

"Okay… Maybe I can help?" Willow suggested.

Buffy laughed. "Help? As if vampires were willing to accept help. You see, Willow, they are bad, so they can't be helped, or shouldn't be helped. Isn't that what you were trying to tell me?" Buffy asked, looking at Angel.

"Buffy…"

"I take back what I said about vampires earlier. Vampires - without exception - are heartless and selfish and cruel."

"Vampires?" Giles asked puzzled. Nobody had noticed Giles standing in the doorway. He had felt obliged to make sure the two women were alright. "So you do know something about them?"

"Yes, and you obviously know nothing about them, since you didn't even notice that you were having dinner with one," Buffy said.

Giles looked at Buffy, then at Willow and then at Angel, who was looking at the floor guiltily. "You are a vampire?" Giles asked doubtfully. "Oh no, I am not falling for that. I have never been treated like that in… since… ever. I actually thought you were the first people genuinely interested in my research. I am used to people thinking me crazy, but this is outrageous. I've never been to this part of the world before, but I believe that even here lying is considered very bad-mannered," Giles said hurt and turned to leave.

"They are right. I am a vampire," Angel said calmly.

"Oh, sure," Giles said sarcastically.

"You are right. He isn't a vampire," Buffy said suddenly. She was afraid what Giles would do if he found out the truth about Angel. "Of course he isn't a vampire. It was just a stupid joke. We lied. Sorry."

Angel looked confused at Buffy.

"What is going on here?" Giles asked. "What are you up to? Is this some kind of scam? Are you misleading people into giving you money or something? What kind of game are you playing? You should be run out of town."

Angel slowly walked towards Giles. He closed the door and when he stood directly in front of Giles, he asked, "Are you sure you don't even remotely want to consider that I am a vampire?"

"You… you can't be a vampire."

"Really? Didn't you say anybody could be one as long as you meet them after dark?"

"Well, yes, but you are… too nice, well, at least I thought so before."

Without further warning Angel changed into his demon face. "Never call her a liar again!"

Giles just gaped at him with an open mouth.

"Well, I am a liar," Buffy pointed out. "I lied to you."

Angel turned around to face Buffy. "I didn't exactly tell you the truth either."

"I knew the truth." Buffy came closer, until she was standing right in front of him. "And I didn't mind." She extended her hand and gently touched his face, which was still contorted by his vampiric features. Angel turned his head and tried to avoid her touch. But Buffy was persistent. Her touch was light, but her hand didn't leave his face. "I still don't mind."

"You say that now," Angel said. He changed back into his human face, but he wouldn't meet her eyes.

Buffy leaned even closer, almost touching his chest, and said so quietly that only he could hear her, "Please, at least give us a chance. Don't just disappear out of my life. Let's just see what happens."

Angel didn't want to leave. He had no plans for the future anyway. And there was nothing he would rather do than staying with her. But this was crazy. This was impossible. He finally looked at her. He gazed deeply into her eyes and at that moment he felt like going on without her was pointless anyway.

"Angel, please. If I mean anything to you, please, let's give this a try," Buffy said so quietly that it hardly even qualified as a whisper.

"I don't want to hurt you," Angel said in a small voice.

"You'll hurt me if you leave."

Angel's head told him to go now, before he couldn't anymore. Every minute he stayed longer, he felt his resolve weakening more. If he didn't find the strength to leave now, it would end in disaster for both of them. He didn't care about himself. He deserved whatever he got. But Buffy didn't. She deserved only the best and that was so much more than he could give her. Why wouldn't she see that?

"Angel?" Buffy took his hand.

Damn, was she aware how hard she was making this for him? Her sweet voice. Her warm hand on his skin. Was she doing it on purpose? Why wouldn't she give up? Why didn't she give up on him?

Buffy was holding her breath. She knew this was her very last chance to persuade him. She didn't dare take her eyes off his. She didn't want to push him and scare him away. But she refused to let him go without a fight.

"Buffy… I…" He knew what he had to say, but he couldn't.

Buffy saw the decision in his eyes. She knew she had lost.

Angel could clearly see the pain in her eyes. He hated seeing her hurt. Without thinking, he cupped her cheek with his hand.

Instinctively, Buffy leaned into his touch. Would he at least give her a goodbye kiss? Just the thought made her want to cry.

Angel gently caressed her cheek with his thump. He just couldn't let go of her. He simply wasn't able to. And he couldn't leave. In fact, he couldn't even move. He was rooted to the floor.

When Angel simply continued stroking her cheek, Buffy looked at him puzzled. What was he waiting for? She still didn't dare say a word. But something had changed. He didn't have that determined look on his face anymore.

"Oh, Buffy…" Suddenly, Angel leaned forward until his forehead touched hers.

Buffy was shocked for a second, until she took this gesture for what it was. Angel had resigned himself to his fate, their fate, whatever that was. She let out a sigh of relief. Then she lifted her head to look at him. He did the same and when she met his eyes this time he gave her the smallest of smiles, but a smile nonetheless. Buffy returned the smile, but hers was a lot bigger. Exhausted, as if she had just fought a huge battle, she let her head rest against his chest. Angel lifted his hand and gently stroked her hair. Buffy leaned fully into him and put her arms around his waist. They stood like that for what seemed like ages.

Willow and Giles had been silent witnesses to this scene. They had moved into a corner of the room to give them more privacy, not that Buffy or Angel had noticed. They had both been too curious to leave. Besides, Angel and Buffy were standing right in front of the door and therefore blocking the exit. When the two of them still stood there in each others arms after quite a while, Willow and Giles started to get uncomfortable.

Willow cleared her throat. "Um… so, Giles, what are your plans now?"

"Um… yes, my plans… well… that depends…"

Angel and Buffy finally noticed that there were other people in the room. "Oh, sorry," Buffy said and blushed. "We didn't mean to…" She hastily let go of Angel.

"It's okay," Willow said quickly and grinned. "I prefer this conclusion much more than any of the alternatives."

"Yes, I agree," Giles said. "My first encounter with a vampire… I am really glad it didn't take the usual… ending."

"He is not your average vampire," Buffy said defensively.

"Oh, I didn't mean to offend anybody. I certainly noticed that Angel is… different. Which brings me to my… um… plans." They weren't really plans, since Giles had only come up with them about a minute ago. "Could I write a book about you?"

TBC

* * *

**Note:**

_The next chapter will move forward a bit more quickly. And just to give you an idea of the scope of the story, this is still just the beginning. There are still plenty of chapters ahead of us._


	8. Revelations and Surprises

**Chapter 8 – Revelations and Surprises**

**Note: **

_Thanks for the reviews! I am happy you guys are still following this._

* * *

"A book?" Angel asked. Was Giles serious? "I have no particular desire to relive my life by having to tell you every little detail of it. The nightly show I get of that is more than I can bear. Besides, after all I am not exactly your usual vampire."

Giles looked rather disappointed for a second, but he wasn't ready to give up so quickly. This was probably his once in a life time chance. "But you must know a great deal about other vampires. I would really appreciate it, if you would tell me about vampires in general. You don't have to talk about yourself."

Angel thought about it for a moment. He liked the British man and he certainly seemed determined and would do whatever it would take to pursue his research and Angel didn't want Giles to get himself killed. Who knew what old wives' tales his knowledge was based on. "Fine."

"Oh good. Thank you." Giles wished he had pen and paper with him. He would have to do without it. "So… um… you don't strike me as the average vampire."

"No, I am not. But I wasn't always like this."

"With 'this' you mean nice?" Giles asked curiously.

"Let's just say different."

"Sure, no problem. You are the expert."

"Well, not exactly." He looked at Buffy and Willow.

"I… I don't understand," Giles said.

Buffy exchanged looks with Willow, who just shrugged her shoulders. "What he means," Buffy said, "is that we are the experts, kinda at least."

"I am sorry, I still don't understand," Giles said, taking off his glasses to clean them. "Are you vampires too?"

Willow had to laugh at that. "No, we are not vampires, far from it. We are gypsies."

"Gypsies? But before, you said that you had never even met any gypsies."

"Well, that was a lie. We are gypsies," Willow said. "But the rest was the truth. Gypsies are not to be trifled with."

"As Angel had to find out," Buffy added. "Our clan is responsible that Angel is different. They gave him back his soul."

"His soul? A vampire with a soul?" Giles looked at Angel as if he had grown a second head. "But… how can that be?"

"That is my punishment."

"Punishment? But didn't they do you a favor? I mean, to get your soul back-"

"-means endless guilt and remorse," Angel said.

"Oh, I see." Giles looked at Angel and then at Buffy and Willow. He was waiting for one of them to go on, but nobody took the initiative. "So… um… I don't quite understand how you three… I mean… you are traveling together right?"

"Not exactly," Buffy said.

"Oh, for pities sake," Giles said frustrated, "if you don't want to tell me then say so, but this question and answer game is getting ridiculous."

Angel, Buffy and Willow exchanged looks, neither knowing how much the others were willing to reveal to Giles.

Buffy didn't want to make Angel feel any more uncomfortable or even guiltier. But Angel just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't feel like he had the right to withhold what he had done. But he was worried about Buffy. He didn't want her to feel pressured into talking about her dead sister.

Willow was concerned about the same thing as Angel. "Buffy, I think you are the one who should tell Giles what happened," she said.

Buffy went to sit down on the bed and took a deep breath. "Well, the short version goes something like this. Before Angel got his soul back, he was… ruthless. He killed one of our clan, my sister, to be exact. So in order to punish him, they gave him back his soul. Willow and I were ordered to follow him, secretly." Buffy noticed the confused look on Giles' face. "Yeah, that didn't quite work out the way it was supposed to be."

"Well, vampires are known to have superior senses, at least to my knowledge," Giles said. "I don't think you should blame yourself that he noticed he was followed."

"That's not what happened," Buffy went on. "We were very careful and had a spell that allowed us to stay at a safe distance. No, I approached him on purpose, more or less. I just didn't think that Angel deserved what he got. It's not fair. The vampire was meant to suffer, not the soul. But that's what happened. He is suffering for things he didn't do." Angel was about to say something, but Buffy was quicker. "Even though he doesn't agree with me on that. And that's pretty much all there is to it. This is all a rather new development."

"I see. My, this is really an extraordinary tale." Giles was very curious about the exact status of Buffy and Angel's relationship, since there was obviously a lot more between them than Buffy had just admitted. But he didn't dare ask.

"How about we continue this tomorrow night?" Angel asked. He had noticed how tired Buffy looked. It certainly had been an exhausting evening.

"Um… sure," Giles said, trying to hide his disappointment.

"I'll join you guys again for dinner, okay?" Angel asked, looking at Buffy.

Buffy just nodded. She didn't want to let him go. After what she had been through tonight, she was still afraid he would change his mind and simply leave.

"Well, good night. I'll see you tomorrow then," Giles said and left.

Angel saw Buffy's unhappy look and went over to her. "I won't change my mind. I'll be back here as soon as the sun sets."

"Okay."

"I mean it."

Buffy just nodded again.

"Buffy, I am too weak to leave you. I simply can't."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?" Buffy asked slightly offended.

"Yes, because it means you are simply too alluring for me to resist."

That finally brought a smile to Buffy's face.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Angel said and gave her a chaste kiss, aware that Willow was still in the room with them.

"As soon as the sun sets," Buffy added.

"Well, give me some time to get here," Angel said with a grin.

Buffy just nodded, not wanting to sound even too needy.

"Sleep well," Angel said. "Good night, Willow."

"See you tomorrow," Willow replied.

* * *

The next night, Giles was the first to sit in the pub. He had hardly been able to sleep after what he had learned the night before. He had simply been too excited. And that hadn't changed the next morning. He had gone to the library, but he hadn't been able to concentrate on the texts. He really hoped Angel would show up tonight and be willing to tell him more about vampires. This was a dream come true. This was what he had been working for all those years.

Buffy and Willow were the next ones to arrive. They decided to order dinner straight away, since Angel wouldn't eat anyway. But Buffy was only picking at her food.

"Buffy, it's not even fully dark yet," Willow said.

"I know, I know." Angel had promised to come back. But Buffy was well aware that he didn't have a very high self-esteem. Therefore she was worried what a whole day of brooding would do to his resolve.

Giles was not very interested in his dinner either.

"Not hungry, Giles?" Willow asked.

"Oh, well, not really. I really do hope he shows up tonight. But he didn't seem too keen on talking to me last night," Giles said.

"You better eat your dinner now, because once he does show up you'll be too busy asking him one question after the other."

"Oh, good point," Giles said and dug into his food.

When Angel arrived, Giles had finished his dinner, even before Willow. Buffy was still picking at her food though.

"You are not getting ill again, are you?" Angel asked concerned when he saw her full plate.

"Don't worry, just wasn't really hungry. Until now," Buffy said and smiled at him.

The group chatted about this and that for a while, until Giles couldn't contain himself any longer. "So… um… Angel, how old are you?" Giles asked.

Angel looked around. There were too many people in the pub for his liking. "I think we should take this somewhere else."

"Oh, okay, sure."

They waited for Buffy to finish her meal and then made their way upstairs to Buffy and Willow's room.

* * *

Buffy and Willow sat down on one bed and offered Giles the other one. Angel didn't feel like sitting down anyway.

Giles got out a notebook and pen. "So… um… do you want me to ask questions or would you rather just tell me whatever you feel comfortable with?"

"You can ask me questions."

"Okay, so how old are you?"

"Old."

"Could you be a bit more specific?"

"I was turned in 1753."

"That is definitely old. Who turned you?"

"Didn't you say you were interested in vampires in general?" Angel reminded him.

"Oh… sure… sorry," Giles said.

Buffy was actually disappointed that Angel wasn't willing to answer that question. She would have been very interested in that answer as well. Maybe he would be willing to tell her some other time. Maybe he just didn't want Giles to know such things and publish them in a book.

"So, vampires need blood to survive, right? How regularly do you… um… do vampires in general need to feed?"

"Well, that depends on the vampire. The older we get, the better we can control ourselves and our… hunger. We can survive for very long without blood, but it would weaken us tremendously over time."

"Ah, I see, how interesting." Giles jotted down everything as accurately as possible. "But drinking from a human won't automatically kill that person or turn him into a vampire, right?"

"No, but many vampires don't care about the not-killing part. Others are so skilled in bewitching their prey that the person being bitten hardly notices what happens."

"Have you ever… um…," Giles started, but caught himself quickly. "Never mind. So if someone is turned into a vampire, what happens then? I mean, what exactly is their relationship then?"

"You mean between the new vampire and the sire?"

"Yes."

"That depends a great deal on the sire and why the sire turned that person. If it is just the aftermath of a feed, most vampires are likely to simply abandon their former prey, unless they need followers, henchmen or slaves, usually for some kind of power play. Some vampires, of course, just like killing humans. Others might want a companion. But a newly turned vampire can also be quite a hassle."

"But they would never be equals, right?"

"No, usually not. The sire would always be the dominant one."

"Ah, that's what I thought. But from what I read vampire relationships can be very complex and complicated."

"Indeed."

"After a while it must be really confusing to keep track of who turned who."

"No, not really."

"Do sires give their new vampires new names, like we do with newborns? I noticed that – at least in books – vampires are rarely called by their human names, or at least never by their full names. It's almost impossible to find out who they were once. And some names are rather… dramatic."

"Many vampires choose their own new name once they are turned. Some might go by more than one name."

"Oh, so similar names wouldn't necessarily be an indicator that vampires are - well, for a lack of a better word - related?"

"No, most vampires have a love-hate relationship with their sires. Well, love is the wrong word, rather loyalty. They are already defined very strongly by who turned them. Picking a name that would make that connection even more obvious is rather unheard-of."

"Oh, I see. I just thought… I was just curious… because your name… but of course, that would have been too much of a coincidence."

Angel avoided Giles' eyes and looked at the floor.

Giles noticed his unease. "You know who I am talking about, don't you? Do you know him?" he asked excitedly. "He didn't turn you, but you know Angelus? Have you met him? What is he like? I read about him. He seems to be feared even by his peers. Oh, this is great, terrific. I have always wondered if the accounts were really true. They seemed so exaggerated. What can you tell me about him?" Giles looked at Angel expectantly, but he didn't say anything.

Even though Angel had never told Buffy under what name he had gone before he had gotten his soul back, she knew instantly that they were one and the same. She felt for him. "Maybe that's not a good topic," she said, hoping Giles would let it go.

Giles looked at her confused and then back at Angel.

"No, it's okay," Angel said. "Giles should tell you what Angelus did, what I did. You should know. You should know what you are getting yourself into."

"Not again," Buffy groaned. "I thought we had covered that."

"Those exaggerated accounts are probably just a fraction of what really happened, in some instances probably even understatements. And for the really atrocious incidents… there wouldn't have been any survivors to tell the tale," Angel said bitterly.

Buffy stood up and went over to him. She laid a hand on his arm, but he jerked away. "Angel, we've been over this. That wasn't you. You have a soul now. You are completely different than him."

"It's just not something I can easily forget, Buffy."

"I don't expect you to forget it. I just want you to deal with it. And if you let me, I'd like to help you with that."

Angel looked at her apologetically and took her hand. "I am sorry, Buffy. I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay. I know this is a huge adjustment for you." Inwardly she sighed. She had prepared herself for another drawn-out argument. She really tried to be understanding, but this constant unease was starting to wear her down.

"Um, sorry, but did I get this right? You are Angelus?" Giles asked baffled.

"Was!" Buffy said vehemently.

"Oh my." Unconsciously, Giles took a step away from Angel. He was in a room with one of the most ruthless vampires he had ever read about.

"He's a completely different person since he got his soul back," Buffy reminded Giles.

"Yes, yes, I know. It's just hard to comprehend… no wonder you were unwilling to talk about… unbelievable… I don't know what to say."

"Maybe we should postpone this for another day, so you can get used to the idea," Buffy suggested. In truth, she was more worried about Angel's state of mind.

Angel saw right through her. "It's okay, Buffy. I am sure Giles has a lot more questions, now more than ever."

"No, it's okay," Giles said quickly. "I don't mind to stop for tonight." Giles wanted to go through his notes and read up on everything he had ever written down about Angelus. He wanted to be better prepared and avoid any more blunders if possible.

"Whatever you prefer," Angel said.

"Let's meet up again tomorrow night, if that is alright with you," Giles said.

"Sure, no problem."

Giles wished them all a good night and left.

"I guess that means we are gonna stay here for a while," Willow said pleased and stretched out on the bed. "One should think I wouldn't mind changing locations every once in a while, being a gypsy and all. But the last few weeks… whew… that was a bit too much for my taste."

"I know what you mean. But I am even more looking forward to getting some more sleep, when one is supposed to sleep." Buffy looked at Angel, who looked like he had been reprimanded. Quickly, she added, "I don't mean that I don't like spending time with you after dark, not at all, just that I don't have to stay up all night long in case you move on unexpectedly."

"I'll make sure we get you to bed early," Angel said. "Um… well… you know… I didn't mean…"

"As if that was an option for us," Buffy muttered under her breath. Not that she was ready for something like that. And this whole thing was crazy anyway. But she'd resolved not to think too much about it and to just see what would happen.

* * *

Over the next few days, Giles and Willow spent a lot of time in the library. Buffy usually spent her days wandering through the city and exploring it. But as soon as it started to get dark, Buffy was off to meet Angel, so that they would have at least some time alone together before they joined Willow and Giles at the guest house to satisfy Giles' curiosity about vampires.

One night, Buffy and Angel were making out in the stables where Angel spent his days. They had the whole night to themselves. Giles had felt like he was obtruding himself on his new acquaintances and had made up some excuse of having to go over his notes in order to give them some space. The three had seen right through him, as he was still overflowing with questions, but nobody was sad to have an evening to themselves.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" Angel asked when Buffy had to break their kiss to breathe.

"No."

"We could-"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Buffy looked at him unsure. Maybe he found it boring to simply hang out in a barn. He must have been used to other things. He had seen so much and met so many interesting people. Buffy had tried asking him about those things, but he had been very reluctant to talk about his past. Buffy had let it go, concluding that he either didn't feel comfortable talking about his past because he was ashamed or because he didn't want Buffy to feel bad or inadequate. "Do _you_ want to go somewhere else?" she asked finally.

"No."

"You don't have to pretend for my sake."

"I am not. I just thought…"

"Thought what?"

"Buffy, we are making out in a dirty, stinking stable."

Buffy just looked at him, not seeing his point.

Angel went on, "A girl like you deserves better."

Buffy started laughing. "A girl like me? Angel, I grew up with horses. We move around constantly, live in the woods, run around barefoot in the summer. You should have seen me a few weeks ago. This dress I am wearing right now is probably the nicest thing I have ever worn in my entire life. Sitting in a stable is kind of normal for me. Well, except that we never had a real stable, only the horses and the smell and the dirt."

"Oh, I never really thought about that."

"You are the one who is used to greater things. You have seen so much. You know so much. You have obviously read so many books. I do can read, but… I see it more as a hassle than something one would do for fun."

"Maybe you just haven't read the right books yet," Angel pointed out. His comment was meant to make her feel better, but it missed its mark as Buffy looked rather disheartened.

"You must find this so totally boring compared to the life you led before," Buffy said.

"A life full of bloodshed."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but that's what it was. And, Buffy, this… us… is completely different from anything I have ever done or… felt. And I wouldn't change it for the world. Or do you think this," Angel put his hand behind her neck and pulled her into a passionate kiss that lasted several seconds, "is boring?"

The kiss left Buffy speechless for a moment. "No, definitely not boring," she said finally with a sheepish grin.

"Good. So we stay here?" Angel asked, stroking her cheek.

Buffy just nodded, lost in his eyes.

"Good," Angel said and lowered his lips to hers again.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Buffy was unusually quiet.

"You had nightmares again last night, didn't you?" Willow asked. She had been woken up by Buffy's restless sleep.

Buffy nodded. "But it wasn't like the other dreams. I can hardly remember, but when I woke up I had the strong urge to run, to run far, far away from here."

"Away from Angel?" Willow asked carefully.

"No, I don't think so. Angel wasn't in my dream. But like I said, I don't really remember anything specific, just feelings."

"What do you think it means?"

"I don't know. It probably doesn't mean a thing. I am most likely just paranoid after everything that happened."

"Buffy, don't discount your dreams so quickly. Janna always said there is probably a lot more to your dreams than you give them credit for."

"Yes, but what good are they if I can't interpret them properly? Even Janna wasn't able to help me with that. I'll never be able to control that on my own."

"Do you think that something bad might happen, if we stay here?"

"I don't know," Buffy said frustrated. "For all I know it could mean the exact opposite."

"That doesn't make sense, Buffy."

"These things don't make sense, Willow!" Buffy almost yelled.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No, I am sorry, Will. It's just so frustrating. I know it could mean something. But I can't do anything about it."

* * *

A few nights later, when Buffy came back late from Angel, Willow was anxiously waiting for her.

"Buffy, are you okay? Did he find you?" she asked frantically when Buffy came through the door.

"Yes, I am alright. Calm down. And did who find me?"

"Riley."

"Riley? He is here?"

"Yeah, he arrived shortly after you left. He asked me where he could find you. I told him you were observing Angel – I used the expression 'the vicious vampire' by the way," Willow added proudly at recounting her stroke of genius, "and he wanted to go find you. He asked me where he should look for you. I told him I had no idea, but he was persistent. He kept asking me where Angel usually went, if he had developed a routine. I feigned ignorance and told him you didn't talk about where he went exactly. I am not sure Riley believed me though. I know I am not the best liar in the world. Sorry."

"That's okay. Don't worry about it, Will. So where did he go?"

"I don't know. He said he was going to look for you anyway, saying maybe he would get lucky."

"Well, he didn't get lucky. Damn, I hope he doesn't look for Angel all night."

"The city is too big. He would never find him."

"Not simply with luck, but with magic…"

"Buffy, we are the only ones who have the hair to perform the location spell."

"If the elders told us the truth about that. And I wouldn't bet on that. Maybe they kept some."

"Riley is not really good with spells, he usually let's other people do them."

"I know, he says it's just not his thing," Buffy said contemptuously.

"Personally, I think he just gave up because he doesn't have any skill whatsoever when it comes to spells. He'd just never admit to being not good at something."

Buffy chuckled. "Which is a lot." Then she turned serious again. "But that spell is really basic stuff, even Riley might be able to pull it off."

"Buffy, Angel will be fine. He can take care of himself."

"Hopefully it won't come to that." Buffy wanted to avoid any conflict, anything that could lead to further bloodshed or death. "What if Riley wants to accompany me tomorrow night?"

"Tell him two people would be too conspicuous."

"You know how he is once he sets his mind on something."

"Let's just see what tomorrow brings."

TBC


	9. Unexpected Developments

_I am sorry that I haven't updated for so long. But ever since I started my new job last year, I hardly find the time, energy or concentration to sit down and write. And I had major computer problems. But here it is, a new chapter. And I know that most people don't like Riley (me included), but he can be useful for certain storylines._

_But since it's been so long since I updated this, I think a short **RECAP** is in order:_

Set in 1898 in Romania. Buffy is a gypsy and her sister has been killed by Angelus. The clan curses him with a soul and Buffy, accompanied by Willow, is chosen to follow him due to the second part of the curse: Angel is supposed to lose his soul when he sleeps with someone who makes him happy. Afterwards, he is supposed to be cursed with a soul forever so that he will suffer the pain of killing someone he loved for eternity. Buffy watches him at night and sees how tormented he is. She starts doubting her mission. One night, Angel tries to dust himself. Buffy saves him. Angel has no idea who she is, but he is fascinated by her. They slowly get closer. One night, they meet Rupert Giles who is traveling through Europe to research vampires, werewolves and witches. The same night, when Buffy and Angel go for a walk they are harassed by some drunk thugs. A fight erupts and Angel is forced to reveal that he is a vampire. Afterwards, Angel is surprised that Buffy is not running away from him. She has to confess that she has always known what he is. This doesn't go over well with Angel. He can't deal with the fact that Buffy knows that he has killed so many people. Buffy also admits that she knows that he killed her sister and what her true mission is. It all ends in a huge argument. Angel sees no future for them. Their argument erupts anew at the inn, where Giles overhears them. He is thrilled to meet his first real vampire. Also, despite Angel having set his mind on leaving Buffy for her own good, she can convince him to give their relationship a try. Buffy and Angel slowly deepen their relationship, but both are very unsure about how to handle the whole situation. Angel is worried about not being good enough for Buffy and Buffy is worried that she can't match up to the women in his past. Then someone from Buffy's clan shows up unexpectedly: Riley.

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Unexpected Developments**

The next morning, Riley was already waiting for them downstairs. "Hi, Buffy. Hi, Willow."

"Riley, what a surprise to see you here," Buffy said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"A good surprise, I hope. And what a surprise to see you with blonde hair," Riley said, staring at her hair. He didn't look like he approved. "I haven't seen you like this since we were little kids. What brought this on?"

"Well, I just thought it was time for a change."

"A change?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Sure, why not. Changes are a good thing."

"Um, yeah, I guess. So, what brings you here?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I thought somebody should check up on you. You know, make sure everything is going smoothly and that you have everything you need. And I wanted to surprise you."

"Yes, it's certainly a surprise," Buffy said, forcing a smile.

"So, Willow said everything is going okay with the vampire."

"Yeah, he's not giving us much trouble. Like we wrote in the letters, he moved around a lot at the beginning, but now he seems to have settled."

"Just like Constantin predicted, he wanted to get to a bigger city."

"Yeah."

"I thought I could join you on patrol tonight, give you some company in the lone, cold nights."

"Well, Riley, actually-"

"And I thought, before that you could show me the city a bit. We could go for a walk and you can get me up to date."

"There's really not much to tell. It's all in the letters we sent."

"I know. But I wouldn't mind you telling me everything again, from your very personal perspective. I am very interested in what you think."

"Really, since when?" Buffy was barely able to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

"I've always been interested in what you think."

"Riley, I really need to get some things done today." Buffy had to warn Angel. They were supposed to meet tonight. She would have to tell him to put on a performance for Riley. "Maybe Willow can show you around for a bit."

"I don't mind helping you with your chores. Let's do them together." He grabbed Buffy's arm, linked it with his own and walked with her towards the door. "So, where do we need to go first?"

"Um… it's not so important," Buffy stammered. "I can do it some other day."

"No, really, it's okay. I am happy to lend a hand."

Buffy looked at Willow for help.

"Don't worry, Buffy," Willow said. "I'll do those things for you. You two enjoy your day." Willow gave Buffy a meaningful look. She knew exactly what Buffy had in mind.

"That's not necessary, Willow," Riley said. "I am happy to help out while I am here."

"No, that's fine. Since you are only here for a short while, you should enjoy the city."

"That's very nice of you, Willow," Riley said and smiled at her and then at Buffy. "You work so hard, Buffy. You deserve some time off."

"Um… well…," Buffy had no further excuses to beg off spending time with Riley. "Willow, can you make sure that…" How to let Willow know what she wanted her to tell Angel?

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," Willow said and gave her a reassuring look.

Buffy sighed and resigned herself to her fate. She trusted that Willow would explain the situation to Angel.

"Great," Riley said. "And tonight, we follow the vampire together."

"You don't have to come along," Buffy said. But she was aware that Riley would most likely insist on going along.

"I want to."

"You don't believe what I wrote in my reports?" Buffy asked provocatively.

"Of course I believe you. But the elders want a detailed account of my days here. I know you are taking your duty very seriously. And nobody is accusing you of neglecting it. But I think it would help your case if I could give them a first-hand account."

"Sure, I understand."

"Please, Buffy, don't see me as someone who is here on official business. I am your friend. I came to see you, not because the elders sent me. I want to help you. You left not very amicably towards the elders. I mean, they understand that the pain over the death of your sister was still very fresh, but… well… it left them feeling… apprehensive about the whole situation. "

"Apprehensive? You mean they don't trust me because I dared speak my mind."

"They just want to look out for our clan and that isn't always easy. There have to be rules."

"I get it, Riley."

"Buffy, I understand you think this is a check-up on you, but the more I have to report on, the more satisfied the elders will be."

"Sure, whatever you say," she said resigned.

* * *

When the sun started to set, Buffy led Riley to the stables where Angel was hiding during the day. When he appeared, they followed him at a fair distance. Buffy was unusually tense. She didn't know what Angel would do and neither did she know what Riley had in mind. Angel seemed to be roaming through the city aimlessly. He never dwelt anywhere for long. Riley seemed content to simply follow and observe.

After they had followed Angel through the city a few hours, Riley asked, "When is he going to feed?"

"He doesn't feed every day, only when he really has to."

Riley looked at her surprised. "How often does he feed?"

"Not very often. He detests it."

"And he mostly feeds on rats and other small animals? I mean, not that I doubt your word, but I can't imagine…" Riley said disgustedly.

"He mainly feeds on rats."

"No wonder he detests it. I would hate that too."

"No, he hates it because he has to drink blood to survive," Buffy clarified. "He hasn't harmed anyone since he got his soul back."

"Interesting," Riley remarked.

"He is a completely different person from the vampire who killed my sister."

"He isn't a person, Buffy. Never forget that. He might still be confused from the curse."

"I don't think so. That is who he is now."

"We don't know that. Buffy, no matter how calm and harmless he seems at the moment, never forget that he can kill you in an instant. Don't get careless. He is a ruthless killer." Riley took her arm and turned her so that she would have to look at him. "Buffy, please, promise me to be careful and never let your guard down."

Buffy was surprised to see the concern in Riley's eyes. "I... I will be careful."

"Good. I don't want anything to happen to you."

They followed Angel for another hour or so and finally he returned to the stables.

"Is that all?" Riley asked. "Does he ever do something more... exciting?"

"No, that's pretty much it," Buffy said and shrugged her shoulders as if she couldn't care less. Angel's performance tonight mirrored exactly what Buffy and Willow had reported in their letters.

"How odd."

"Odd? What do you expect him to do? He has a soul now."

"Soul or no soul, he is still a vampire. He is just as strong and just as ruthless. He still needs blood to survive. His thirst for human blood could reappear any time." Riley turned towards Buffy. "I wish I could stay longer and look after you." He held up a hand to stop her from interrupting him. "Help you, I meant. I know you can take care of yourself. But still, when you are so far away I imagine the worst things happening to you."

"Um… Riley, you don't have to worry. We are doing fine. Everything has been going really well." Buffy looked down, afraid that he would see something in her eyes that would make him suspicious.

Riley lifted her chin. "Buffy, I want you to be honest with me. You can tell me anything. I do report back to the elders, but I would never say anything that would reflect badly on you."

Buffy hadn't expected Riley to be so nice and caring. She had expected his visit to be solely a mission from the elders to make sure she was doing her job. "Really, everything is okay."

"Good. But if you do have any problems, I want you to tell me. I wish I could stay here with you, but that's not possible at the moment. But I can put in a good word for you with the elders."

"Um… Riley, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

* * *

When they arrived at the guest house, Buffy excused herself, saying she was very tired. The truth was that she wanted to go and see Angel. Riley stayed downstairs at the pub. While Buffy waited for Riley to go to his room so she could leave undetected she questioned Willow about her meeting with Angel.

"How did he react?"

"He just asked me how long Riley was going to stay. I told him I didn't know."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What else did he say?"

"He didn't say anything. He was just his usual taciturn self."

"Did he look disappointed?"

"Buffy, I don't know. He's hard to read. You know that."

"Yeah, sorry," Buffy said, but her disappointment was clearly written on her face.

"I also talked to Giles," Willow said, trying to change the subject. "Of course he wanted to talk to Riley. But Giles can't be allowed near Riley. And Riley can't find out that he knows us or that we've told him anything."

"Of course, what a surprise," Buffy snorted. "Doesn't he realize how dangerous that is?"

"No, not really. But when I told him that it might get us into a lot of trouble, he agreed to stay away from Riley."

"Let's just hope he sticks to his word."

"Oh, he will," Willow said and grinned. "I don't think that someone like him would break a promise. That would go against his British nature."

* * *

When Buffy went downstairs again, Riley was still sitting there and talking with some people. She tried again after another half an hour, but Riley didn't look like he would leave anytime soon. Finally, Buffy was really too tired and went to bed feeling miserable.

* * *

The next day, Riley wouldn't let Buffy out of his eyes. After having asked her question after question the day before about what she and Willow had been up to over the last few months, he told her everything that had happened back with the clan. He thought he was doing her a favor, but Buffy had a hard time paying attention. She couldn't care less about what was going on with the other clan members. She could only think about Angel and when she would be able to see him again.

After dinner, when it was already dark, Riley said, "Let's go."

"Go? Where?" Buffy asked, feigning ignorance. She had hoped that Riley wouldn't insist on following Angel again.

"Well, to follow the vampire, of course."

"It'll be hard to find him now," Buffy said.

"Let's use the spell," Riley said excitedly. "I always wanted to see it in action."

"Um… why don't we… I mean… since you are here… wouldn't it be a shame to waste the time following this vamp around? We already went last night. He's really not a very interesting fellow. I wouldn't mind taking a break tonight."

"You are right, his routine is rather boring." Riley hadn't lied to Buffy when he had told her that he wasn't really here on official business. It was what the elders thought, but he couldn't care less about the vampire. He was mainly here to see Buffy. "But how about we go for a walk anyway?" Riley asked, glancing at Willow.

Buffy tried not to roll her eyes. Obviously, Riley wanted to be alone with her. That wasn't Buffy's idea of a nice and quiet evening. But for fear that Riley might change his mind about searching for Angel, she agreed reluctantly. "Well… um… sure, why not. Let's go for a short walk."

* * *

Angel had been waiting inside the stables, waiting for Buffy and Riley to show up so that he could put on the same show as the night before. But when they didn't show up after a while, he went to the guest house. Carefully he looked through the window and saw them still sitting at a table. He lurked around for a while, not sure what to do. But when Buffy and Riley got up and put on their coats, he hid and waited. When they came outside he followed them. He expected them to make their way towards the stables, but quickly realized that they were not headed in that direction. With growing concern and anger Angel observed that Riley gradually closed the distance between Buffy and him. First he linked arms with Buffy, which seemed like a harmless gesture. But then he put his arm around her back. And Buffy didn't seem to mind one bit.

* * *

When Riley put his arm around her back, Buffy didn't know what to do. She wanted to push his arm away. But maybe it was just a harmless gesture. He was worried about her. He had said so. He just wanted to protect her. This didn't mean anything. Damn, who was she kidding? Did Riley really have feelings for her? How to tell him that she would never reciprocate them? Maybe she shouldn't address it at all. He would leave soon. There was no need to upset him.

Suddenly, Riley stopped. "Buffy, I think I never told you how impressed I am with how you've been handling all this. First Dawn's death, then leaving everything behind to follow her murderer. You are so mature, so different from anyone else I know." Before Buffy had any chance to reply Riley had put his hand behind her neck and kissed her.

Stunned and speechless by Riley's sudden move Buffy didn't know how to react at first. She hadn't seen this coming. But after the initial shock had subsided she firmly put her hands against Riley's chest and was about to push him away when she caught sight of Angel standing in the shadows. In panic, she shoved Riley away. "Riley… stop… we can't…" Buffy looked back at the shadows but Angel was gone.

"You are right," Riley said. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help myself. I've wanted to kiss you for so long."

"Riley-"

"I know, I know. It's not fair to you since I have to leave again soon. And who knows when we will see each other again."

"Um… yeah… we don't have a future together."

"Buffy-"

"No, it's okay," Buffy said quickly. "Let's go back to the inn. I am really tired." She didn't wait for an answer and started walking.

Riley followed her quietly.

Buffy's mind was in turmoil. How long had Angel been following them? What had he seen? It didn't really matter. He had seen them kiss. And he would probably assume the worst. Otherwise he wouldn't have disappeared in the blink of an eye. She had to find him. But first she had to get rid of Riley.

* * *

Buffy went back to her room to get rid of Riley and then snuck out again. She needed to talk to Angel. Buffy went to the stables. At first she just walked as quickly as possible. But soon she started to run. However, she wasn't really surprised when she found Angel's hideout empty. Frustrated she leaned against the wall and slowly slid down until she sat in the hay. She was going to wait for him until he returned.

The more time went by the more nervous she got. What if he wouldn't come back here at all? What if he had left town? Or maybe he was waiting for her back at the inn. She doubted it though. He was probably just roaming the streets. It was a cold night and Buffy tried to stay warm by covering herself with some hay. Despite her anxiety that Angel had left town already, she eventually fell asleep.

* * *

"So, did you have a good time last night?" Angel was towering over her.

Buffy was instantly roused from her sleep. "Angel! I… no… I didn't-"

"It's okay, really. I understand," he said. But inside he was seething. "It was stupid of me to believe that you would actually have feelings for me."

"I do have feelings for you." Buffy got up and brushed the hay off her clothes.

Angel turned his back towards her. "Please, at least don't lie to me."

"I am not lying!" She tried to touch his shoulder, but he pushed her hand away. "He kissed me. But I didn't want that," Buffy went on.

"You don't have to explain."

"I didn't want him to kiss me."

"Yeah, because I was watching."

"You have to believe me. He took me by surprise. I am not the least interested in Riley."

"Really, you had me fooled. I saw you flirting with him."

"Flirting? What are you talking about?"

"I saw you. He put his arm around you. You didn't seem to mind. Let me guess. You were just cold?"

"That was me trying to fool him, to distract him."

"From what?"

"You! I didn't want him to follow you again."

"You sure that's all it was?" Angel asked sarcastically.

"Yes, damn it! Riley seems to have a thing for me. But I don't want anything from him. I did that for you, to protect you."

"You don't have to lie to me," Angel said resigned.

"I have to be very cautious around him. He is a very influential person in my clan. He is not the usual henchman who usually acts as our in-between. He reports directly to the elders. And one day he will become one of them as well. That's all he thinks about."

"Oh, so he's a really good catch."

"Angel, please..."

"No, I understand. You have to think of your future."

"Angel, stop it!"

"No, it's okay. He's one of your kind. He obviously cares about you. And once it is in his power, he can get you back home and you won't be stuck here anymore following me around."

"What?"

"At least with him you have a future."

"Can you please decide if you want to be jealous or push me further into his arms?" Buffy yelled exasperatedly. "That would make it a lot easier for me to know what I am dealing with."

"You want to know what you are dealing with?" Angel asked threateningly. "Fine." He took a step towards her. "I hate that he touched you." He took another step. "I hate that you let him, hate the way you encouraged it."

"I didn't-"

"I hate the way you looked at him." He took another step and was now standing right in front of her, looking down at her greedily. "I hate the fact that the last lips on yours were his."

"Now that is something we could remedy rather easily," Buffy said seductively.

Without another word Angel kissed her hungrily. Never before had he allowed himself to get so lost in a kiss with Buffy. He had never allowed himself to get so aggressive while kissing her. Possessively, he buried his hand in her hair and pressed her close to his body, taking complete control of the situation. Angel could still smell faint traces of another male on her. It drove him crazy and he almost vamped out. He wanted to make Buffy his, to mark her. Normally, this feeling would have scared him, would have made him afraid that he might hurt her. But in this moment the need to kiss her was stronger than the impulse to stop. Besides, it didn't feel wrong. It felt like this was supposed to be. And when he noticed Buffy's encouraging reaction to him the urge to vamp out disappeared almost instantly. The other male was no competition, just a minor, negligible annoyance. All he cared about, all that mattered in that moment was Buffy.

Buffy gladly let Angel do as he pleased. She was relieved that for once he seemed to know exactly what he wanted, namely her.

* * *

"Are we okay?" Buffy asked when Angel finally let go of her.

Angel didn't answer.

"Riley doesn't mean anything to me. I don't even like him."

"He obviously thinks you do."

"He never gets told no. Like I said, the elders have very high hopes for him."

"A spoiled brat."

Buffy smiled. "Yeah, in a way."

"When will he leave?"

"Soon, I hope."

"You better get back."

Buffy looked at him unsure. Was he sending her away?

Noticing her uncertainty, Angel took her hands and rubbed them between his own. "You should get back to the guest house and get warmed up. I don't want you to get sick again." She had waited for him here in the cold the whole night.

"I am warm."

He placed a kiss on her hands. They were cool. But strangely enough he knew what she meant. Even though temperature couldn't affect him he was able to feel warmth and cold. But he himself never felt warm or cold. However, in that instant he did feel warm although he had no idea how it was possible. "You don't want to arouse suspicion, do you?" Angel asked. "The sun is already up."

Buffy nodded in agreement. She had to go back. She didn't want to leave, but she couldn't risk for Riley to get suspicious about her whereabouts. She desperately hoped he would leave soon. This charade was getting too exhausting for her taste.

* * *

"I wonder how long it will take until we can execute our final punishment on the vampire," Riley said and shouldered his bag.

Buffy could have jumped for joy when Riley had told her that he was leaving. "I guess that'll take a very long time. He feels guilty. He feels like he doesn't deserve a second chance."

"It's not a second chance, Buffy, it's his punishment."

"Great, if he is supposed to do penance, you think he'll ever try going on with his life? And that would mean that he doesn't think he deserves companionship or happiness."

"He's a guy. He'll… um…"

"What? Don't feel embarrassed on my account. I am aware of how the curse is broken."

"It's not appropriate…" Riley stammered.

Buffy rolled her eyes. Fine, if he wouldn't say it, she would. "As far as I understand, he would have to have genuine feelings for the girl, otherwise the punishment doesn't make sense. He is supposed to suffer like we suffered by losing someone he loves. I don't think a romp in the hay qualifies for that. Because then it would be like any other person he killed before."

"I am not sure someone like him is capable of having those kind of feelings anyway," Riley said contemptuously.

"He has a soul now."

"He is still a vampire."

"The elders seem to think he is capable of it. Because if he wasn't capable of compassion and affection it would have been a liability to let him go at all."

"Only humans are capable of such feelings!"

"Some humans aren't, so why shouldn't there be other exceptions?"

Riley didn't say anything.

"If you believe that he is not capable of having feelings for somebody else, then the curse will never come into full effect."

"Buffy, I understand that you want him to suffer like you did and to go on with your life instead of following him around. You _want_ to believe that he is capable of such feelings but… it might have been a great plan but maybe this time the elders… overestimated themselves." Riley said this as if it was physically difficult for him to criticize the elders. He put a hand on Buffy's shoulder. "You have to consider that this won't work. He deserves to suffer in the worst possible way. But it might not happen. And I don't want you to waste your life in pursuit of revenge. It's not worth it. He is not worth it."

Buffy had just listened quietly. She couldn't believe her ears. She was stunned into speechlessness. It seemed like Riley did have a brain of his own after all. But luckily he mistook her insistence that Angel was capable of human feelings for a desire to execute vengeance. It seemed like the indoctrination from the elders was at least good for something.

"Buffy, are you listening?" Riley asked.

"Yes, I heard you."

"And?" Riley prodded.

"I didn't exactly volunteer for this assignment, Riley." She hadn't, but she had rejoiced at getting away from the clan. "The elders are the ones obsessed with vengeance. But vengeance won't bring Dawn back."

Riley just nodded thoughtfully. He realized that it might take decades for the plan to work out, if it worked at all. And that would mean that the elders would let Buffy follow the vampire for as long as they seemed fit, unless he gave them a reason to get her home. "Well, I hope we see each other again soon," Riley said finally.

"Isn't that rather unlikely?" Buffy asked, wanting to know if she had to expect another visit from him soon. "I mean, the elders should be satisfied for a while and once he moves on again the distance gets even greater."

"If he moves on."

"I don't think he'll stay here forever."

"No, probably not."

"And I am sure you are much too valuable to the elders to act as a simple go-between."

"I don't mind."

"They might think that you are losing interest in following in their footsteps."

"Don't worry about me, Buffy."

Worrying? She wasn't worried about him. She was giving him reason after reason not to come back. But he was stubborn. If dropping hints didn't work, Buffy would have to think of something else.

* * *

"Riley is gone," Buffy said relieved when she saw Angel that night.

"Will he be back?"

"I don't know. I hope not. And I think we might be able to do something to prevent him from dropping by again anytime soon."

"What's that?"

"We could move on, further away from the clan. I think the longer it takes to reach us, the more reluctant the elders will be to let Riley go on such a journey. They need him. He is their connection to the younger generation."

"Okay, then it's decided. We move on."

TBC


End file.
